A Day in the mountains

As the ascent to Meghalaya started, so did my fight to keep my eyes open. I had woken up at 3:00 am, brahmamuhurat as per the ever-graceful grandfather figure or in my language an unearthly hour, and it was now close to mid-day. Post landing and beautiful darshans, we were enroute to Cherrapunji and I wanted to be awake not just for the sights but to be able to sleep early. My driver saw my struggle and suggested that I nap till we reach a viewing point where we could also have a cup of tea. That was all that I needed and my eyes closed shut. 
The next thing I know is being asked to wake up as we were nearing Shillong and the viewing point. My body slowly got into the first gear but as the views of Bara Pani or lake Umiam came to fore there was a sudden shift to the fourth gear. I got off the car soaking in the clean, misty, and dreamy mountain air. Camera forgotten in the car the phone came to life and I was smiling. This trip had been a good decision.
 
But so was the thought of having tea, which was nowhere in sight! The driver I realised had woken me up earlier as this was a clear day and a not to miss view. The tea point was ahead. Knowing that I was now nestling in the mountains, all sleep vanished into the floating clouds. 
 
As we continued to Cherrapunji, the driver informed me that I could synch my phone to the car's audio system and play my music. So came Abhijeet Pohankar from my airpods on to the car stereo. The combination of the landscape, the weather and the music was ethereal. A viewing stop and a couple of waterfalls later we reached our destination, and I was smiling. It had been a great day and good start to the holiday. 
 
Bright and early the next morning I woke up, ready to trek up and down 3500 stairs to see the double root bridge. Not on my original itinerary, I had brought about the change at the last minute. Caves seemed lame. This trek was the adventure that I sought. As we continued our journey through the clouds to the trek point, my driver gave me basic inputs on the history and culture of Meghalaya. It was interesting to note that while from clothes to food their habits are close to their customs (an admirable fact), the script of the language has moved to English alphabet. And yet most locals are more comfortable in Hindi as opposed to English. 
 

Drive to the trek in the morning

At the trek point I craved a cup of tea, which given the morning hour and the weather was more of an indulgence than a need. My guide (one who was going to help me get to the bridge and back) insisted that we have it “down”. I was not sure what “down” meant but I went along. Just as we started our descent, a young girl called out to me. She requested if she could join me and as two solo travellers we split the guide cost. The more the merrier and so we went down the rabbit hole not knowing what lay ahead. 
 

See the white huts, that was our destination

Enthusiasm and excitement took over and we were skipping steps, literally, even those that were let us say about fifteen inches high. By the time we reached "down" which was a small settlement, our legs were shaking or vibrating as Michael Star, our guide, insisted on addressing the phenomenon. Now I realised why he had insisted on tea "down". This was the halfway point and a resting spot. 
 
As a vegetarian, travelling globally has taught me to be food ready. My remedy is to carry methi paranthas for which the flour is kneaded with milk. This makes them need less oil. As the tea came out so did my paranthas. My companion, let us call her Akira, initially hesitant also shared them and we had a breakfast of paranthas dipped in tea. Simple pleasures are indeed the most heartening. 
 
Climbing down had been fun and filled with Akira and I getting to know one another. Two things struck me, first the same path had to be climbed back up and second this was quarter of the way only. I decided to pace myself. As we crossed the swinging iron bridge I was reciting Hanuman Chalisa. Fun it indeed was but with a single file of multiple people of different ages, shapes and sizes, the swing was a bit discomforting. Let me be honest, I was more than a tad nervous and so came the Chalisa to give me strength. On the other side, the view was stunning. The gush of the water that reverberated was a white foam gliding over the rocks. I was now keen to get to the double root bridge and the waterfall there. 

The iron bridge pre crossing

The view below the iron bridge - post the fact

 
Not spectacular in size, the falls were mesmerising for their clarity, white foam and easy access. What took me in was the double decker bridge, made of roots whose strength has survived and strengthened over centuries. The marvel of nature made my entire being smile and I took of my shoes so that I could dip my feet in water and sit in the tranquillity of nature. Of course, there was a crowd of tourists around but imagining the engineering of mother nature obscured all those present and I sat soaking in the unique architecture, the soothing cool water and the fresh smell of the air. 

The waterfall at the Double Decker root bridge

The double decker root bridge itself - yes you walk across

 Akira too was taken in by the place but two decades younger and with twenty tonnes more frenzy, she slipped into my thoughts. Happy having her photographs taken, she wanted to ensure I had mine clicked too. While she took some, she insisted Michael Star also took a few, just to be sure they were worthy. Pictures taken from all vantages we had another cup of tea. There was Maggi going around as well but neither one of us wanted it. Which place in India can say that Maggi is unavailable? 
 
As we were sipping on the cup of tea Akira spoke about the Blue Lagoon which was another 30-40min of trek ahead. Apparently the waters were clear blue, and she was quite keen to see it. I was not sure if I was up for it but I was persuaded. And we embarked on another trek down another rabbit hole. This one did not have steps through the tricky terrain but instead had wooden ladders loosely tied at places. Michael Star showed us how to navigate these. As if these were not enough, there was yet another iron bridge. But this time there were only the three of us, so the swing was within limits. 

As we descended the last ladder to the blue lagoon I was glad I came. There was no other human being but the three of us in this lush pool surrounded by rocks that were overseen by green trees. Clear blue skies smiled from above, little butterflies flew across and the water danced to its own tune as it waved over the rocks. This was truly serene and totally divine. I could have stayed for longer had Michael Star not warned me that it was a climb up that awaited us. 
 

The last ladder at the Blue Lagoon

The Blue Lagoon

Michael Star at the Blue Lagoon

The way back was a test of pacing, stamina and will power. As we got to the double decker bridge we took a break, hydrated again and this time ate the local pineapple. They were just delicious; sweet, tangy and refreshing all at once. A couple of pineapple slices, a few back stretches and throwing the waste in a dust bin was all that was needed to start the ascent. Let’s just say that after crossing the iron bridge it seemed that the swing was probably a lullaby! 

A view enroute 

 
As we halted to rest every time I wondered how the villagers living in the valley traversed this path the three times a week, every week. I was wondering about this when I saw a local pass by. He put one foot on a step and then the other on the same step before proceeding to the next. As he did this he inhaled via his nose and exhaled via his mouth. I decided to deploy this and viola, I could climb 3x as many steps without having to rest and even when I did it was not because I was out of breath but to pace. Within three hours and twenty minutes we had reached up. This was a total climb of 90+ floors and close to 12km taking about 20000 steps according to my app. 

See the enless steps?

 
Once at the top my driver waited to greet me, more to see if I made it myself or had to be carried. Seeing me walking and fit he was so elated that he treated Akira and I to tea. Akira decided to grab a bite as well, but I guess I was just delighted to have completed a spontaneous adventure. It was a little over 6.5 hours but it was worth it!
 
The sun that shone in the valley was now calm as this was the playground for the clouds. I wanted to start the journey back to the hotel and drive through the clouds before darkness set in. (Sunrise is at about 4:45am and sunset at about 5:45pm) The drive back, though with aching muscles was equally beautiful. We even stopped at another point where I saw the clouds setting the blanket over Cherrapunji for a tranquil, misty night. After yet some more photographs we were finally on our way to the hotel.

A beautiful end to a wonderful day

 
As I entered the room I was elated. Spontaneous decision making had brought about yes some adventure, some fun, a new acquaintance but most importantly a soul satisfying day in the mountains.  
 

Prakash - Truly a gift for the taste buds

There are some things in life that do not change and what a blessing that is. That was exactly my emotion as I walked out of today's team lunch. 

We had a morning filled with meetings and my colleagues were clear from the word go. Today's lunch had to be simple and authentic local cuisine. Now, the outsiders may not realise it, but Mumbaikars will. Authentic local cuisine in this city is Maharashtrian, Gujarati and even Sindhi. Then comes the street food which is a mix of the two former cuisines. So I was not sure what to pick. However, given that we were in Prabhadevi, I took the decision to satisfy my own nostalgia and cravings and take them to Prakash - Shakahari Upahar Kendra at Sena Bhavan.

For the uninitiated I must say you have missed out on life! If you have lived in Mumbai or been here and not been to Prakash and Aswad, then well make sure your next visit has these two eateries factored into your plans. I got introduced to Prakash twenty five years ago. Yes, you read that right. 

Let me start at the beginning. These were the days of engineering. Chembur to town (as where I reside in Mumbai is and was addressed) was a long journey that started at a college where the canteen only served Vada pav or pav Vada if you wanted variety. It was absolutely not an option to eat there unless one was starving of hunger. I had a large group of friends and a bunch of us stayed after the mid point between Chembur and town. So this bhookad ("forever hungry") lot of us would stop at a few places over the course of four years. 

In the order that the destinations  enroute, the first one was Matunga circle. Of course we would get off here for a dosa. Mumbaikars will know that any of the udipi restaurants here are worth entering into blindly. Some people have their own preferred ones, and rightfully so, but you cannot go wrong with any. I for one am a dosa fan. Given that I was born in the south, I guess I acquired that taste in the womb itself. So these are stops that I liked.

The next stop is the one where I cringed. A lot of this "gang" hailed from a junior college aka high school called Ruia College. For them, Chinaman was next to heaven. As the name suggests, it served Chinese albeit Indo Chinese, one cuisine that my taste buds have never taken to. The twisty oil soaked noodles and the chewy Manchurian made my stomach roll even before I saw the food. Yet, pretending to be a part of the crowd I would follow the enthusiasts to this place, to which I also had to walk a lot from the bus stop. It just seemed unfair! Go to eat food I don't enjoy and that too after walking more than I needed to. 

That is where the third and final stop came - Prakash. It was just behind the bus stop and it had the most lip smacking sabudana Vada, sabudana khichdi, piyush, Thalipeeth, misal etc. Now if I acquired the taste for idlis and dosas in the womb, the taste for sabudana khichdi was no younger. My very first memory of eating sabudana khichdi, sabudana Vada and Kanda poha is when my father's younger brother took a toddler me to pick up his car. At Panshikar (another famous Maharashtrian food place at Opera House), I still remember, standing on the table and gobbling the three snacks. Chacha and I both enjoy these snacks and probably he gave this taste to me. So for me Prakash was divine - no walk, all scrumptious food and taking me back to childhood. 

After I graduated, I still went to Prakash. Then I moved to Europe. But as Mr Pea's parents stay close by, when I went to visit them I stopped to get my fix - the sabudana vada or the khichdi. Once I moved back to Mumbai, I followed Prakash. It was covered by New York Times (https://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/21/travel/21bites1.html). I commended their taste buds. I knew when re-construction of the building started the place moved across the road. But going there for a meal did not happen. So today I grabbed the opportunity literally with both hands. 

I warned my colleagues that there would be no air conditioning (Mumbai recorded 38 C today), we would have "some random people" share the table with us and it would be a small space. They were game for it and I was super excited. One colleague asked if there would be a thali. I did not recall one there and I looked at him saying I don't know but thinking why would one want a thali at Prakash and off we went to locate the relocated Prakash. 

As expected we had to wait. Thankfully we stood in the blistering sun for only 10 min when we got a full table for four. So no random folks joining us. The waiters still wore the same pink coats. How familiar! How nostalgic! There was no AC. Yet another box ticked. Felt like coming home! Now even before I looked at the menu I ordered two Sabudana vadas. My colleagues were a bit surprised but I was the local. Then I glanced at the menu and saw a thali. So I ordered that. Next came Piyush. A cousin of the north Indian lassi, it definitely is the one I am partial to. Ok let me.just  out and say it. Lassi literally pales in comparison to Piyush. And finally Solkadhi which was for me and I was not sharing it. This is a cousin of the masala chaas and well they both get my attention but cannot be shared. 

Before I move on let me tell you the reaction to the Sabudana Vada in the words of my colleague. " I had gone to Chennai to meet a friend and he took me to a place where we had to wait for 10 min to eat idlis. I was wondering what the fuss was all about. They eat idlis daily at home. It is an idli. But once I ate there I could stand in the queue again. That is what this Sabudana vada is about." Well that is how you create fan following people! 

Next I ordered a Thalipeeth for the table. This spicy and scrumptious flat bread is made of multigrain flour. I have always loved Thalipeeth and Zeitgeist probably knows how much the best. His mother makes some excellent Thalipeeth. In fact the day I landed in Canada for his wedding, his mother asked me what I felt like eating. And there, in the foreign land, I had said Thalipeeth and she made this not so easy to make flat bread. The two pieces served today were over even before they came. 

The misal met with the same fate. Made with sprouts and legumes, this snack in a gravy, topped with curd was washed away. I was smiling. And as I was seeing food being eaten faster than it could be served, I also saw people digging into the Bhindi in the thali with gusto. The one with the thali did not mind. In fact I think he encouraged it so that he could try the other stuff as well. So he took the dal out as he supposedly does not like dal. I tried to explain how delicious Varan bhat is and so another one just took it on his plate while scooping some rice from the Thali. Everyone was just enjoying this indulgence. 

By then I had probably had half a Sabudana vada and saved a small portion of the thali peeth as I savoured my Solkadhi. To see what I wanted to eat, I turned to the menu and knew what I wanted - Pithala Bhakri. Made of gram flour, the Pithala is a spicy and delicious thick curry. The Bhakri served is soft and mouth melting. When the portion came, I called dibs. Took one bhakri and some Pithala and then left the others to decide how they wanted to split the balance. I was a happy trooper. As I ate mine, taking time with each bite, the others had demolished this too! 

Finally came time for dessert. And while the menu has options, I had decided as I had entered that the sweet would be kesar Shrikhand. Hung sour curd, churned with saffron and sugar, it's thick, it's aromatic and it lightens the palate with all of the above along with a satiating cooling sensation. If I go on describing this, I would need to restrict the audience and so will stop. The proof however is, people ordered individual portions after having shared the one originally ordered. 

After such a hearty lunch it was difficult to get up. It was after two thirty pm and the lunch rush had subsided as well. To give the food time to settle we discussed a legal agremeent and a P&L issue. After no excuse was left we called for the bill. That is when the final tradition of Prakash was unveiled. Please pay in cash only. I think this is one bill that everyone on the table wanted to pay! Wholesome, authentic and delicious; my colleagues walked away thinking we got away scott free with a menial initial ten minute wait and a bill that was lighter than the Bhakri we ate.  

Fortunately, some things in life don't change. And food at Prakash is one of those! 

Bithoor to Lucknow - My thoughts and my drive

This is a fairly random post; random because it's a compilation of the many thoughts that went through my mind as I drove from Bithoor to Lucknow. If ten years ago I would have suggested to the family that I will drive from Bithoor to Lucknow, even with a driver with me in the vehicle there would have been an uproar. I had lived, worked and traveled overseas all by myself. I drove past mid night in Mumbai. Even Mumbai to Pune through the ghats was acceptable. But driving through rural UP, as a woman, it was not to be. So the last few years have been a great relief. This is not thanks to a political party but largely to the citizens and the family who have started to see things from a wider lens now. 

While I was driving there was a driver with me who would get the car back. All of 20 years, I learnt as I started a conversation, he stopped studying after the fifth standard as he did not enjoy studies. So he learnt how to drive and now earns a livelihood with that. But he should study is what I tried to reason and he smiled, signalling that my rationalisation was falling on deaf years. So I stopped and I switched on my play list. What amazed me how this youngster was mimicing the tabla on the dashboard. He was enjoying the music and I realised that maybe while there was progress for women, overall we need the education system to progress too. Maybe Chintu would have stayed in school if music was a part of his education? 

As I was mulling over this and watching him enjoy my play list I also noticed how civic sense was absent in those who were driving the private cars. These were the people who were not just speeding but also overtaking from the wrong side. This included me on a couple of occassions as well. It struck me how we, the educated, forget that we have the responsibility to set an example and this hit me hard as one SUV swerved fast and hard to get in front of my vehicle at a toll plaza. It irked me to no end that the driver had made such a dangerous manoeuvre risking his own life and ours too. So I honked hard and Chintu said, "jaane do didi, pagal hai" ("let it go, he is mad"). He was more sensible in that moment than I was and I was humbled. I apologised and drove on. 

As we entered Lucknow and I drove through the city, I witnessed close to twenty or thirty fruit hawkers with stalls side by side. On the road side, as they awaited customers, these hawkers were laughing, playing and having a good time. Not one was trying to shun the other or did I sense any hostility. The traffic was terrible and so I could observe this closely. Wanting to see if my sense was accurate I parked on the side and got off to buy some oranges. As I approached one vendor and negotiated with him, the others kept quiet. Not one pitched in with a lower offer, maybe one said I have better quality but they wanted their neighbour to conclude the sale. I bought a kilo, gave it to Chintu and my mind went to my days as a banker. One of the reasons I quit banking in India was that all compete on price and only that. Unlike the hawkers, we bankers did not differentiate with quality or experience or expertise, but won mandates by undercutting. What if we all held out prices firm but developed our expertise, would the world of banking in India have more depth? 

As I was thinking this I blindly followed my Google maps to meet a friend and customer of my current organization. He was keen to give me feedback and I had some time before my flight. Plus we had last met in 2018 so I guess it made sense to make the stop. I was driving to the location he had shared but should have realised that the narrow road was not the intended route. After a kilometre it struck me what an idiot I had been. So I decided to make a u-turn. Now I was driving a Xylo which is a manual mammoth of an SUV. So it was not the easiest u-turn in that narrow lane that had shops and hawkers on either side. I decided to give it a try anyway and suddenly there was a good Samaritan who emerged to discipline the two wheeler traffic that was adamant on going their way without giving me even thirty seconds. As soon as I had turned he walked away, even before I could say a thank you. This happens only in a few cities in the country, cities where we value human interaction and have empathy. Try thinking of this is in a Delhi or Bangalore and I am sure it's just a fantasy. In Bombay while on a daily basis this may be a sweet dream, when times are tough the citizens can forget all their differences and  rescue strangers at cost of their own material and physical comfort. "Muskuraiye Aap Lucknow mein hain" (Smile, you are in Lucknow) has a new meaning for me. 

A good meeting and some Lucknow delicacies later, I was on my way to the airport. Let us just say that this city is beautiful and a must visit for those who have not been here. I drove slowly to navigate the unruly traffic yes, but also to soak in the city that is so untravelled. Where the past and current governments have created public spaces, invested in upkeep and good infrastructure, those areas beat the best locales of the Indian metros. But where the city has been neglected it's sad to see dilapidated architecture and the chaos that exists. Like most Indian cities the so called metro construction only adds to the mayhem. The only hope is that this election will bring in the older government, only so that the policy continuation happens and there is no more disharmony created. But the truth is that this is reality for most Indian cities and the only exception I can think of is Jaipur. Not only is the historic architecture preserved, the development had been more systematic and the traffic rule observation is stellar. 

Once at the airport, I had to keep my cool to deal with the breaking of the queues and the confusion. But one respite from all this travel related irritation was my customary shopping of the Chikan salwar kurta material at the airport. I have always been very partial to this embroidery that originated during the Mughal rule and own multiple Chikan work salwar kameez and sarees. The shop at the airport in particular has cotton that lasts years and some of their work is fabulous so if I land up liking something I usually buy it. And like all times the two men at the counter were patient and generous as I went through different patterns. Ultimately I bought two pieces and this time I got a ten percent discount; courtesy CoVid they have not had sale and so want to lure customers. 

Hands full, bags checked and with a grateful heart I boarded my flight. Every trip to Bithoor is special and makes me count my blessings but today I am recounting my learnings. Hopefully I will remember to be more forgiving on highways and roads, set the right example whenever I can, work with the aim to grow the pie for all and lastly hold myself and leaders I select accountable. With this thought I am signing off hoping to catch some zzzs on the flight. 

Have a great weekend ahead. 

Russia, Ukraine & The Politics of it all

It was the early 1990s. I was in a boarding school. Life was simple and routine; until the day the “Mandal Commission” reservations were announced. Suddenly there was a disruption to the daily rhythm. We could not venture out of the hostel premises, not even to the school building. Classes were held in the hostel and meals were served in the quadrangle of the building. Social media was non-existent and being in a boarding school meant that information we had was very limited. There was no way we knew about the large-scale protests and self-immolations occurring around the nation. All we knew was that educational institutions were asked to be closed and our institution was trying their best to continue our education. Then one fine day the protestors realised that we were all still at school. Before violence erupted, the authorities packed us all home.

Alas, today Volodymyr Zelenskyy does not have the option of evacuating the Ukrainian citizens away to a safe home. They are fighting hard and heroically to save their way of life and their harbour of livelihood. Social media, television news, newspapers; they are all filled with stories of terror, courage and generosity of the civilians and armed forces of the attacked nation. Global leaders have imposed heavy sanctions and have had a dialogue with the aggressor as well. Yet the bombings and raging continue. I can only imagine the anxiety and worry of the Ukrainians and those with loved ones there. What I cannot still get my hands around is why this conflict.

I have read enough to understand that Ukraine is a great treasure trove of natural reserves and arable land. Historically, the interest of Russia in “owning” this part of the world is also something I am aware of. People have told me how the fear of the country joining NATO means Russia will have missiles targeted on it from its own borders. Yet I do not get the kind of invasion that has been launched. Yes, Russia can own the ore and the land. That could be done via trade treaties as well. Africa and Latin Amercia have seen these in abundance. A victory for Russia will satisfy its ego and pride of extending its empire. But was there an EU like solve plausible? I do not know, and acknowledge that for the said ambition a coalition may not be the perfect answer. Lastly of course, if real, with Ukraine surrendering the NATO threat will be annihilated. The last two achievements may come but at what cost? The cost of leaving a legacy of violence, decades of unrest, famine, economic downfall, and travesty all around! How is this even remotely rationale! But then there are certain styles of leadership that do not rely on rationality or compassion at all. They depend on achieving the end result, whatever maybe the price and whoever may have to render it as long as it is not them.

Every nation has the right to protect and defend its borders and govern its citizens so that there is a balance maintained across economic, cultural, and historic planes. We have seen recent, widespread discomfort in two large democracies of the world with the decisions of the government and the leader of the nation. The anti-views have largely hinged on human rights and liberal thought. The pro views have taken the approach of preserving what is core to the country and to a group of people fearing displacement and disenfranchisement.  Both have a viewpoint that could have been balanced but instead have polarised the populations. Yet these issues have been internal, creating discomfort and tilts of power within the borders of these democracies. None created a situation of endangering the lives of neighbouring civilians. While not ideal they are still matters that are not taking us back to ages of Genghis Khan and Alexander where it was power and loot that extended national boundaries.

All the happenings that I am writing of highlight the importance of leadership and the onus on citizens to elect the right leaders, to hold them accountable, and to ensure that we leave a world that is better than today for our children. We already have the environmental degradation that threatens the survival of the planet. Now with hostility and war we may just be either hastening the end of the earth or making the survival unpalatable. Once again, is this the legacy that we want to leave for the generations that may come after?

I consider myself a cautiously optimistic individual and believe that there is a likelihood that the sanctions will stop this madness. The fervent hope that this invasion stops is also so that there is no China – Taiwan next or a furthering of the Russian empire agenda. While change is the only constant and we must be prepared to deal with situations that come our way, I believe that we can also affect change and improve the situations that some our way. So today, it is more than ever that we have a moral obligation to think hard of how to render our responsibility of electing those who would govern with rationality and compassion, how can we hold those who we elect accountable to us and how can the world come together to live in harmony even when we have our myriad differences. Maybe it is time that I personally end my indifference to polity, or I will be the biggest hypocrite and culprit around. To quote Albert Einstein – “The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it.”

 

Politics and the senselessness of it all

Of late I have found myself writing more than I have in the last couple of years. Let me rephrase, I am posting a lot more, not writing, because I am now writing of things that I am comfortable sharing. There have been research pieces and thought pieces that I have written in the last couple of years that unfortunately I am hesitant to share in public because I was advised that I sometimes write on topics so controversial that posting in my own name may not be good for me professionally. So, taking that advise I have been selective on what I have posted.

One of the many topics that has interested me over the years has been history. Another one has been politics. In fact, I started writing this blog because I was so frustrated with the affairs of governance of my second home city in the world, London. Well, I will admit that I was a Boris Johnson supporter then. Don’t judge me, hindsight is always 20/20. I then covered the Indian elections for a US website, and I had some very firm views as well. But over the course of the last decade, this is the first time I find myself completely disinterested in politics. I am not indifferent. I am just not drawn to discussions or to writing of what I think. And that is what I want to write about today. Why am I suddenly so disinterested in the polity of the world?

Can anyone point out a single speech, given by a single world leader barring maybe Angela Merkel that talks of thought leadership or is toned with dignity and grace? I would love to hear or read something in that shape and form. The last that I could remember the same was when he had a PV Narasimha Rao, an Atal Bihari Vajpayee, a Lady Thatcher, a Barrack Obama and most recently a Merkel. Of course, this is in my opinion that they had thought leadership and grace and dignity. That some of their decisions may not be right is not the point of contention. Yet slander, arrogance and crassness were not their methodology. I can say the same for Arun Shourie who I had the chance of hearing in person and meeting in person too. It left a great mark on me, a mark of an intellectually honest and dignified politician. The question I am asking now is if he actually is a politician!

Let me leave out the entire four years of oratory of the orange. I think we can all agree that it sometimes stymied the mind into numbness; but we must respect that there was a voting population that liked that agenda or propaganda whatever you may call it. If I want to be heard, then they deserve their voice too. If it soaked my brain with chloroform, it was my problem and mine to deal with. Those who thought otherwise definitely had the right to elect the leader they thought fit. However, I remained uninspired and well that was away from the shores of this ancient land called India. So let me examine what has happened here…

Let me start with the engineer. Someone who started as the representative of the educated middle class wanting to change the system from within. Educated at a premier institute of the nation he showed the light for the youth. Maybe there was hope but then he won the capital city state of India in a turn of events that was less than dignified. Yet the fact that he gave the historically powerful a run for their money is commendable. I would have thought that his first term, sitting in the opposition, would not only have been more graceful but may also have had provided a ground for training. That did not happen. Instead, now in these elections, the man has gone completely senseless. His latest remarks had me scratching my head for a while and I still did not see what he wanted to convey other than sway the public by calling himself the disciple of a freedom fighter. He was retorting to alleged allegations of him being called a terrorist and said that just like the British called the great Bhagat Singh a terrorist. the corrupt politicians of the country were calling him, a disciple of Bhagat Singh a terrorist.

So here are my questions to him – what are the ideals of Bhagat Singh that he has deployed to date? How come the fact that he considers Bhagat Singh a guru only being propagated today? Allegations of corruption have been made against him as well. He is also a politician. So, is he saying he is calling himself a terrorist? And then his tweet calls himself a “sweet terrorist”. Really! This is because he claims to have done a lot of work on education and healthcare. If that were the case, then why did the state of Delhi suffer severe oxygen shortage in the second wave, and he could only finger pointing but not secure oxygen for hospitals starving patients of their breath! Let me forget the past. For the current elections, why is there no discussion on the statistical improvement done and how that will be implemented in the next states where his party is fighting for elections. All this emotional barfing is no different from what we have done since years to confuse the electorate! What had emerged as a potential beacon of hope was just a shooting star that has lost its shine and been enveloped in the darkness of the universe that it floats in.

Next in line are our great leaders from the political party that has a family legacy. The total discord and discontent in that family run party is now well known and the intelligent minds are somewhere idling in the background as the next generation is trying to use the family name and fame to influence the voters once again. But look at how their comments shape up –Punjab should be run by Punjabis but UP people are not interested in coming and ruling Punjab! Really, we want someone to “rule” someone in this day and age! Their mindset is still as if they were the rulers and the rest of the citizens the subjects. Have they really forgotten that this is a socialist, sovereign, democratic republic! What more can be an insult to the constitution of this nation whose first PM was the family and party patriarch! But the emotional electorate does not notice the nuance. Unfortunately, my analytical pea sized brain does and gets fogged all over again.

While this party talks about the current party in power dividing on basis of religion they have adopted divide and conquer on their own agenda. Just that they are camouflaging it as women empowerment. Free rides for women passenger in government buses and 40% reservation for government jobs is nothing but luring a gender based on promises that have weak economic basis and potential to fracture the society on yet another level which is gender. While I may have to content that all politics is luring the vote bank; what irks me the most is the very emotionally twisted mythology loaded delivery of the message. While clamouring that there is a rise of Hindutva, they use the same Hindu mythology to demonise the current government. Double standards like this once again misses the masses whose emotions are heightened, and I am stumped by this irony.

These speeches and promises are not all serious. The next one had me in splits. This is from the so called third front, an unsaid coalition of sorts of all other parties who would like to make it to the governing seats and earn their share too. One of the leaders said the following – a train with 70 seats takes 300 passengers and is not fined so why is there a fine if there are three people on a bike? The man in question went ahead to promise that if his party was voted in then they would allow three people on bike to ride else fine the trains! I am still laughing out loud. I mean centre of gravity, space, road safety, none of this comes to mind of anyone writing or hearing this speech. Just use any analogy to make a statement that can be inciting! That seems to be the way that every politician approaches interactions with the citizens.

And lastly it comes down to those who were voted into power the last time both at the centre and as the governing party for the largest state of the country. I completely lost all faith in them when the chief minister of the largest state, after the second wave, said that anyone who claims that there were deaths due to lack of oxygen in the state should be imprisoned as that is fake news. Having lost a direct reportee in that state due to lack of oxygen, due to the complete apathy of the government, due to the restrictions imposed on RTPCR testing; all I can say is that someone who cannot admit their mistake but still wants to roar with rage has lost my vote and thus my interest. He has the complete confidence of the party leaders and it baffles me. I cannot seem to digest this.

While the world of Indian and global polity engages with citizens in this, what for me is unintelligent fashion, I have chosen to invest my brain power elsewhere. I would like to be able to lead a life that is productive and has a positive impact on the people I interact with. I will do my duty and vote and when I do that, I will take an informed decision. Till then I will enjoy this wonderful life with more exciting and less constricting avenues.  

Perception, Perfection and Me

 "आग अभी है। राख जम गई है, हटानी पड़ेगी। पर आग अभी है।" 

As we were coming to the end of the last class, Guruji said this to me and the validation I got boosted my spirits. He had started to teach me a Raga Ahir Bhairav bandish, an absolute favourite of mine, that he had first taught me in 2016. While most of it I was comfortable with, there was one point where I had to break the intonations into the individual notes and get the timings coordinated with the notes correctly. I was a bit unhappy and Guruji caught that. It was at that point that he said the above. 

The minute he said what he did, I heaved a sigh of relief. Suddenly I acknowledged what my subconscious knew potentially, six Sigma will come; but in due course with the required riyaz. Also music is a journey for me and not every shabd needs to have a harkat. Meaning not every word needs to be intonation nuanced. If it happens at this stage it's a blessing, but it is not the most critical to furthering my learning. 

This afternoon as I was sitting on my spreadsheet, I was facing frustration as there was one correlation that I was unable to put down into the logic that would create the building block of one small aspect of this larger work. Not that it was the most important to complete my analysis but for some reason it was just important for me to get to the six Sigma stage, and get there just then. As I kept going back and forth with the workings, Guruji's words and my learning from the class suddenly sprung to mind. Knowing that approximation was an acceptable solution I closed the task at hand and took on solving the correlation separately.   

As I am working past midnight, still only 70% of the way there, I am wondering why is it so imp for me to nail this very small assumption to the final level of perfection. I know that the cost benefit analysis of this solution is not worthy of the perfection I am seeking and yet I continue to sacrifice sleep for the same. This over engineering is what I have always warned my team to avoid. So clearly I am stuck here not because of the need but its something else. And as the perfection is avoiding me I started to write, hoping that some clarity will emerge. 

The need for perfection, I realise as I am writing and thinking, comes from two places - (i) as a leader you only have few occasions to be vulnerable  and so have to over prepare always (ii) as a woman I have always over prepared to ensure that I knew my work made sense and it was not a body in a skirt that was getting acknowledgement or acceptance. 

Both the reasons above have always driven me to give my best but have also put me under a tremendous amount of stress and sometimes undue stress too.  One instance, as I look back on, was an episode where my stress was moronic and yet in the drive to strive ahead I almost gave my power away. 

A novice first time banker in the world's financial capital, I was running two deals simultaneously. One was a cross border transaction with teams spanning three time zones - UK, Germany, Taiwan and Hong Kong. It was the first ever Asian transaction for our team. The second was a structured transaction, where the deal structure that was being put together was a global first, and no one knew how to price the instrument. In these unchartered waters, I, a rookie banker, had been entrusted with the responsibility of running the Asian deal and pricing the European global first! I could not fail on either of the two and could not make the minutest of error. This was a huge responsibility and I needed help. But the one person who I could turn to, my boss,  was away for a week and according to the team secretary not contactable. I felt a little rudderless, ok maybe a bit more than little. 

To overcome my fear I did what I know best - over-prepare for that one week. On the Asian transaction I diligently liaised with the client management team, the lawyers, the sales team etc. In addition, I researched all similar transactions from the geography in the last twelve months, the company's last three transactions and went through all the documentation with a tooth comb. I labelled every page and highlighted every clause where I needed my boss' input. The idea was to have a discussion with him so that the six Sigma could be done for a perfect transaction. 

On the pricing front I split the pricing in two parts, valued each separately and prepared two logics of combining them to get a blended issue price. I ran this past a senior colleague and the sales team. Their tweaks incorporated I made copious notes to discuss with my boss on his return. Having done all this I felt in control. 

The afternoon the MD returned to office I went through both the transactions with him. As the discussion progressed he suggested that I leave the Asian deal documents and papers with my highlights and notes with him to be discussed the next morning at seven. He would go through the same at night. The pricing we discussed and had clear actionables on. I felt more in control and confident. Kong, a dear colleague, had organised a dinner for a few of us from the team at a Jazz club that evening. I was really looking forward to that night out. Yet I wanted to ensure that I was all set for the 7:00am meeting and so asked the gang to carry on and would join them soon. 

Three quarters of an hour after they left I made my way to the tube station and hopped on the train to get to a good evening of music and friends. I caught a power nap on the underground and had a skip in my step as l I exited the tube station. Suddenly I froze. I had five voice mails from my boss. He was trying to reach me and given that I was in the underground there was no signal. So he left five very nasty messages including one telling me how I was completely irresponsible to not be reachable when we had two large deals brewing for launch. My confidence, my excitement and my composure; all blew away with cold London wind. On the one hand I was livid. Was I truly the one who was irresponsible or unavailable! On the other hand I was stressed. Maybe I should have done the six Sigma and informed him that I would not be available for the next forty minutes! And it was in this very uncomfortable mental framework that I walked into the Jazz club. 

Kong saw my face and he knew something was amiss. Much older and wiser, the German lawyer and I had developed a friendship where he truly looked out for me. Drawing me aside he asked me what bothered me and I gave him the complete picture - factual and emotional. His response was simple. He took my phone away from me and asked me to enjoy the music. But if I did not call back I would be seen as even more irresponsible! Not according to him. There was no way I could reach perfection when the expectation was unfair and unjust. And so I had to acknowledge the fact and move on. I took his sage advice, which then did not seem so,  but for which today I am very grateful. 

The next morning, I faced music. I was reprimanded for not being available and for being irresponsible. The deals' success meant a lot of income and brand building and I had to deliver perfection. As the barrage continued, at one point I suddenly I realised my own folly. I was attempting perfection in delivery where it mattered but I was bothered about perfection in perception that I could not control. How I reacted I will never forget. I stood up, very politely and calmly pointed out that I had a perfect set of documents awaiting inputs and I had done all within my power to ensure that the pricing structures were logical and market palatable. Then as I walked towards the door, I requested that we resume the discussion with the transactions in mind when the gentleman had regained his calm and composure. My actions suddenly decompressed me. All the weight on my shoulders seemed to have disappeared and I was now in control of what was needed and what was not. 

To complete the story above, both deals were a tremendous success. That is the one time in my life that I did not sleep for a straight 52 hours. But the result was worth the sacrifice. My boss, however, did not share the success rate with me. He had to make me know that I was a minion. I got that from another colleague in the team. But it did not bother me. I realised that on the perception front I could never be perfect. 

As I am concluding, reminiscing and writing this piece, close to 2:30am, I realise that not getting this correlation right does not make my entire working illogical or incorrect but an approximation. However, that approximation in itself  is a great outcome and significant enough to be able to make a truly well informed decision. So I have decided not to continue this struggle. I will pause, rest my brain and I am sure that in due course I will be able to get this correlation right as well. But till then I will continue my learning and my journey knowing that other avenues deserve a bit more of me than this one tiny issue that has troubled me for the last many hours. 

Love - Emotional and Material

 As I listen to "बेकस पे करम कीजिए" yet another time, my mind drifts from the music to the context of the song. My chest sort of starts to cave when I begin to think of the fact that Anarkali was sentenced to be buried alive in that brick wall; all because she happened that fall in love with a man who was also the prince! How could that one emotion that every religion, every Seer, every God in the world defines to be pure and supreme get this punishment! Why would a ruler not understand how compassionate and authentic his son was if he loved a commoner! What could be more painful for Salim and Anarkali than knowing they loved but could not live that love! These are not questions but jarring emotions that have now caused my chest cavity to cave totally...

Well Anarkali lived and Salim ruled as the story says, and whether fact or fiction, there are many real tales like this one that abound. But my shock and bewilderment have no answer or atonement to be found. 

The epitome of love in my view are Lord Shankar and Devi Parvati. A king's daughter, she married the Yogi living in the hills. In her previous life as Sati, she married Lord Shiva even though her father was not a supporter. When she immolated herself in the fire of the yajna, Lord Shiva was bereft and Sari was born as Devi Parvati to bring about the worldly balance that had been lost. So when love can surmount the obstacles of life and death why can it not survive the economic differences that Salim and Anarkali faced? 

Of course this is a philosophical post and thought. One that is not accounting for practical implications. I could understand opposition if one person was a criminal, or dishonest and lacking integrity, or  mentally and physically abusive. However, aside from these, at least I cannot comprehend opposition to love based on caste, religion or economic standing. Naive as it may be, it is my truth. 

I continue to dig deeper and see a strong correlation between economics and such heartless and indifferent decisions. As the human race has progressed materially we have regressed emotionally. Power, stature,  wealth, physical attributes and personal gains dominate the decision making frameworks that we deploy even to take life shaping decisions. And I saw that up, close and personal at a very young age. 

There was a reasonably good friend who had decided to tell the man she was dating that her heart was probably not entirely in the relationship. There was no one else but there was a hope for someone different. She wanted to be honest. However, before she could voice her feelings, he proposed to her with the information of a double promotion and a move overseas. She saw this as her ticket to a life overseas with someone paying for her Masters. The marriage was solemnised. They remain married to date but I am no longer in contact. This was not opposition but proposition because of material factors. I was younger and more idealistic. It played with the circuitry of my brain and so I never spoke to her again. Lack of integrity was unnerving personally. Today I do think that maybe her circumstances drove her to take the path of least resistance and maybe I can understand at some level why she did what she did. I am hoping to reconnect, at leat in this case one heart was overjoyed...

A few years later, older and wiser, I was visiting a friend who was totally devoted to his Christian fiancee. While he was born into a Hindu family, he counted himself as an atheist. His was a family of privileges and hers was of limited means. But their love for one another was real and they were ok to work their way through life's hardships. However, on that visit, my friend mentioned that he would call off the engagement because his parents could not fight the society on both the economic and religious fronts! I was appalled! I had hoped that he would work with his parents to get them to come around. He is intelligent and super well educated. If not him, who else could convince the family. However, the pressure got to him. For a few years after that he was miserable and then met someone who fit the criteria and who he cared about. But she did not light the spark in his eyes as She did! He got married and has a good life. Not sure if it's the happiest he could be though. Of course I am very much in touch with them...

And while I have seen a number of examples of the kind mentioned above, my absolute favorite and fondest story of love surmounting obstacles is that of Mr Pea and Ms Key. I love these two friends to the moon and back. Their journey was not easy. But straying away from the post, their journey was difficult because Ms Key was OMG so difficult. For Mr Pea it was love at first sight and I would love to be able to have a great Bollywood director direct the scene of when they first met! Smitten and swooning, I would have endless hours of phone conversations how Ms Key was the soulmate. She on the other hand was absolutely disgusted with this knowledge. So I was getting polar opposite feedback from two people and I could tell neither who felt what. My cauldron boiled higher each day! Then Ms Key decided to spend two months in Dubai. I took Mr Pea for coffee and explained to him that there were "other fish in the sea" and he should move on. While he told me he would, he did not. This limbo continued for at least three years and then one fine day I was summoned by Ms Key. If I wanted her friendship I had to drop everything and go to her place. I ran, metaphorically that is. 

Reaching her place I found a pensive Ms Key unable to comprehend how she had not recognised true love for all these years. She now wanted to pour her heart out but knew not where she stood. While he had not explicitly spoken to me post that coffee, I knew where he stood. Yet, I could not give any guarantees. I wanted to protect her, just in case. So I told her that she had no down side in meeting him that evening and having an honest conversation. She was scared and hesitant but agreed that this was the best course of action. So we took the bus that went to Mr Pea's house. Dropping her there I continued home in the same bus, with every moment becoming an eon of waiting. Those days there were no mobile phones. So I had to get home to know the outcome. 

The bus stopped about half a kilometre away from home. I jumped out and ran, like literally ran home. Panting and perspiring I desperately rang the door bell and as soon as the door opened the landline started ringing. I pounced on the phone as if my life depended on it. And well it was a very cool and calm Mr Pea on the other end. As much as he was elated, his voice was expressionless. I had no joy speaking to him and so just asked for Ms Key. When she came on the line and I could hear her smile and I had tears of joy. They got married years later and for ythat wedding I flew down from London. Would not have missed it for anything at all. 

That story makes me smile, always!

Love is divine and love is what makes the world go round. It may not be deep emotional love, it may be love for wealth, power, stature, physical attributes and personal gains. But it is love that makes the world go round. I just wish that we would all recognise pure, authentic, unadulterated emotional love and respect that emotion. The world would be a better place...