Perception, Perfection and Me

 "आग अभी है। राख जम गई है, हटानी पड़ेगी। पर आग अभी है।" 

As we were coming to the end of the last class, Guruji said this to me and the validation I got boosted my spirits. He had started to teach me a Raga Ahir Bhairav bandish, an absolute favourite of mine, that he had first taught me in 2016. While most of it I was comfortable with, there was one point where I had to break the intonations into the individual notes and get the timings coordinated with the notes correctly. I was a bit unhappy and Guruji caught that. It was at that point that he said the above. 

The minute he said what he did, I heaved a sigh of relief. Suddenly I acknowledged what my subconscious knew potentially, six Sigma will come; but in due course with the required riyaz. Also music is a journey for me and not every shabd needs to have a harkat. Meaning not every word needs to be intonation nuanced. If it happens at this stage it's a blessing, but it is not the most critical to furthering my learning. 

This afternoon as I was sitting on my spreadsheet, I was facing frustration as there was one correlation that I was unable to put down into the logic that would create the building block of one small aspect of this larger work. Not that it was the most important to complete my analysis but for some reason it was just important for me to get to the six Sigma stage, and get there just then. As I kept going back and forth with the workings, Guruji's words and my learning from the class suddenly sprung to mind. Knowing that approximation was an acceptable solution I closed the task at hand and took on solving the correlation separately.   

As I am working past midnight, still only 70% of the way there, I am wondering why is it so imp for me to nail this very small assumption to the final level of perfection. I know that the cost benefit analysis of this solution is not worthy of the perfection I am seeking and yet I continue to sacrifice sleep for the same. This over engineering is what I have always warned my team to avoid. So clearly I am stuck here not because of the need but its something else. And as the perfection is avoiding me I started to write, hoping that some clarity will emerge. 

The need for perfection, I realise as I am writing and thinking, comes from two places - (i) as a leader you only have few occasions to be vulnerable  and so have to over prepare always (ii) as a woman I have always over prepared to ensure that I knew my work made sense and it was not a body in a skirt that was getting acknowledgement or acceptance. 

Both the reasons above have always driven me to give my best but have also put me under a tremendous amount of stress and sometimes undue stress too.  One instance, as I look back on, was an episode where my stress was moronic and yet in the drive to strive ahead I almost gave my power away. 

A novice first time banker in the world's financial capital, I was running two deals simultaneously. One was a cross border transaction with teams spanning three time zones - UK, Germany, Taiwan and Hong Kong. It was the first ever Asian transaction for our team. The second was a structured transaction, where the deal structure that was being put together was a global first, and no one knew how to price the instrument. In these unchartered waters, I, a rookie banker, had been entrusted with the responsibility of running the Asian deal and pricing the European global first! I could not fail on either of the two and could not make the minutest of error. This was a huge responsibility and I needed help. But the one person who I could turn to, my boss,  was away for a week and according to the team secretary not contactable. I felt a little rudderless, ok maybe a bit more than little. 

To overcome my fear I did what I know best - over-prepare for that one week. On the Asian transaction I diligently liaised with the client management team, the lawyers, the sales team etc. In addition, I researched all similar transactions from the geography in the last twelve months, the company's last three transactions and went through all the documentation with a tooth comb. I labelled every page and highlighted every clause where I needed my boss' input. The idea was to have a discussion with him so that the six Sigma could be done for a perfect transaction. 

On the pricing front I split the pricing in two parts, valued each separately and prepared two logics of combining them to get a blended issue price. I ran this past a senior colleague and the sales team. Their tweaks incorporated I made copious notes to discuss with my boss on his return. Having done all this I felt in control. 

The afternoon the MD returned to office I went through both the transactions with him. As the discussion progressed he suggested that I leave the Asian deal documents and papers with my highlights and notes with him to be discussed the next morning at seven. He would go through the same at night. The pricing we discussed and had clear actionables on. I felt more in control and confident. Kong, a dear colleague, had organised a dinner for a few of us from the team at a Jazz club that evening. I was really looking forward to that night out. Yet I wanted to ensure that I was all set for the 7:00am meeting and so asked the gang to carry on and would join them soon. 

Three quarters of an hour after they left I made my way to the tube station and hopped on the train to get to a good evening of music and friends. I caught a power nap on the underground and had a skip in my step as l I exited the tube station. Suddenly I froze. I had five voice mails from my boss. He was trying to reach me and given that I was in the underground there was no signal. So he left five very nasty messages including one telling me how I was completely irresponsible to not be reachable when we had two large deals brewing for launch. My confidence, my excitement and my composure; all blew away with cold London wind. On the one hand I was livid. Was I truly the one who was irresponsible or unavailable! On the other hand I was stressed. Maybe I should have done the six Sigma and informed him that I would not be available for the next forty minutes! And it was in this very uncomfortable mental framework that I walked into the Jazz club. 

Kong saw my face and he knew something was amiss. Much older and wiser, the German lawyer and I had developed a friendship where he truly looked out for me. Drawing me aside he asked me what bothered me and I gave him the complete picture - factual and emotional. His response was simple. He took my phone away from me and asked me to enjoy the music. But if I did not call back I would be seen as even more irresponsible! Not according to him. There was no way I could reach perfection when the expectation was unfair and unjust. And so I had to acknowledge the fact and move on. I took his sage advice, which then did not seem so,  but for which today I am very grateful. 

The next morning, I faced music. I was reprimanded for not being available and for being irresponsible. The deals' success meant a lot of income and brand building and I had to deliver perfection. As the barrage continued, at one point I suddenly I realised my own folly. I was attempting perfection in delivery where it mattered but I was bothered about perfection in perception that I could not control. How I reacted I will never forget. I stood up, very politely and calmly pointed out that I had a perfect set of documents awaiting inputs and I had done all within my power to ensure that the pricing structures were logical and market palatable. Then as I walked towards the door, I requested that we resume the discussion with the transactions in mind when the gentleman had regained his calm and composure. My actions suddenly decompressed me. All the weight on my shoulders seemed to have disappeared and I was now in control of what was needed and what was not. 

To complete the story above, both deals were a tremendous success. That is the one time in my life that I did not sleep for a straight 52 hours. But the result was worth the sacrifice. My boss, however, did not share the success rate with me. He had to make me know that I was a minion. I got that from another colleague in the team. But it did not bother me. I realised that on the perception front I could never be perfect. 

As I am concluding, reminiscing and writing this piece, close to 2:30am, I realise that not getting this correlation right does not make my entire working illogical or incorrect but an approximation. However, that approximation in itself  is a great outcome and significant enough to be able to make a truly well informed decision. So I have decided not to continue this struggle. I will pause, rest my brain and I am sure that in due course I will be able to get this correlation right as well. But till then I will continue my learning and my journey knowing that other avenues deserve a bit more of me than this one tiny issue that has troubled me for the last many hours. 

Love

Holy books across religions profess love as the supreme emotion – love for God and love for mankind. Great saints, have urged that we extend this emotion without restraint. Extraordinary contemporary men, from Gandhi to Bono, have exemplified the overarching consequences of willingly loving and sharing that love. And yet, it is this very emotion that is fading from our lives. Majority of us are just too busy in our lives, our chores, our vocation; to even realise the futility of our ways of existence.

Technological advances were made to increase efficiency and save time, but those innovations are causing erosion of time. The cars meant to transport us faster from point A to B are the cause of traffic jams, causing delays and gnawing on waking hours. Emails and telephones, inventions supposed to facilitate communication, keep us more engaged in work matters restricting time with those who could use and would cherish our time and love.

As some of us seem stuck in the rut, there are the older and the wiser amongst us who make an effort to suggest the error of our ways. R M Lala (one such enlightened man), in his autobiography - the thread of God in my life, illustrates the varied forms of love that he has experienced, extended and enjoyed. All those instances are heart warming, however, the most thought provoking is a simple sentence – “People do not realise that to love to adequately you have got to spare time for the other person”. It is not all the time; it is just some time spent wisely to express the love adequately.

Parents love us unconditionally, but professional commitments rob us of time. A mother at home will stay up past midnight, after having travelled half way across the world, just so that she can ensure that you are alright. But when you walk in, your mind is absorbed in a thousand other things, a peck on the cheek and you dive in to bed all set to wake up to catch a flight next morning. Siblings stand by us through our best and worst, but when they call to have a quick word, there are more important conference calls waiting and tugging us away. Nieces and nephews, who want to spend only one night tucked in bed with you listening to a story, have to be disappointed because a client on the other side of the country awaits a pitch. Friends are just as busy and occupied and those who really love us have to wait their turn. Love and its reciprocation have seemingly instilled a fear in us that giving into these emotions will keep from excelling at work, fulfilling our commitment to social causes that we believe in and living a life of fulfilment and adventure.

JRD Tata and GD Birla, two pioneering Indian industrialist, changed the shape of Indian industry – both had families that they spent time with. When they passed on, their sons took over to fortify the institutions their fathers had created. Gandhi, with all his affection for Kasturbai, did not leave her but along with her took Inida on the path to freedom. In one of his writings he says, “Had not been for her (Kasturbai), I would not have been able to forge the weapon of Satyagraha”. Bono has tremendous adoration and admiration for his wife and in his autobiography, conversations with Michka Assayas, mentions how she inspires and supports his philanthropic efforts. Needless to say that all these men have lived very fulfilling lives.

With love for every man, there will be less evil and the world will be a better place. However, charity begins at home and so does the expression of love. Without love at home, we cannot extend it outside. It seems that today might not be too late for us to rectify the fallacy of our busy lives and build a better future.

Regaining the Lost Balance

I cannot help but wonder why some people are just so important in our lives. How is it that they leave marks which are hard to erase? Why do they say things which are impossible to ignore? Why is it that their dreams become ours? These people are parents, siblings, friends, betterhalfs and then at some point our own children.

Ever since my return to India I have been absorbing the love of all my relationships. It has suddenly made me feel that the world is a little vase filled with the water of love with flowers of relationships blooming. I love this feeling and am grateful for it.

With these relationships come obligations. Not all of them are imposed; most of these are self impositions as emotions are hard to ignore. Accustomed to skating on the ice of life with freedom, suddenly maintaining the grace with the additional weight to pull is becoming tricky. Even though I use the word weight, I do not imply burden. I am just unable to describe what I have in tow; it is a voluntary baggage that I not only have selected but I need. I am a people’s person and those who are close to me are more important to me than everything else. So when I neglect them for work, I am taken over by guilt.

Calvin and Hobbs waited for an hour and I met them. One has been my lucky charm for years together and the other my absolute best friend in this whole wide world. The two of them together with me, it is happening after 3 years. It is a dream come true and yet not only did I make them wait but was on the phone with work for a long time after we met. While they repeatedly kept saying, “Tanu, its just work, relax,” I know they understand. Still I did not understand my own priorities. This is probably the most important time in both their lives and yet I was preoccupied.

Why are choices in life so difficult? Why is it that with the increase in sophistication and progress of technology, the availability of time for all that truly matters is becoming scarce? Why cannot feelings be just feelings and be felt? I wish I could regain my balance and poise; and glide and sail with all the love, emotions and career progression in tow. Is it too much to ask? If it is then I think I have prioritized, not in action yet but in words already.

Wish I had just some more time!

Yesterday I stormed into the hospital room and opened the curtains. He was lying on the bed and smiling. His smile made me feel warm. It gave me the confidence that I could probably be a little stern and get my way with him. All I wanted to do was to make him sit on his own. And he did albeit with a little bit of coaxing, some cajoling and yes even some emotional blackmailing. Yet I achieved my aim and hence was eagerly hopeful.

Today I walked into the room and found him in pain. The surgery and the anaesthesia had disoriented him more than his illness already had. I gently walked up to him and he took my hand into his. He clutched it tight and motioned me to sit by him. His grip was firm, despite his age and the wretched Parkinson’s, and that said all he wanted to but is unable to – he wants me close. His only grandchild in the city and I am not there for him for more than just a few hours in a week.

I can recall numerous evenings of umpteen summer vacations when I held on to his hand to cross the road and go horse riding. He never let go of my hand till I was on the horse. If I accompanied him to his morning walks, he would hold my hand as I stepped on the rocks by the sea and urge me to be careful. He would even hold my hand as I threw the grains to feed the pigeons on the terrace. Today, it is he who is holding on to my hand; and expects nothing but some time. Time to sit by him and talk to him not waiting for a response. Time to help him say all that he is feeling. Time so that he can be a grandfather once again. But alas! It is time that I do not have.

So caught up am I with the responsibilities of my own life that I have to ration it for the person who is responsible for the life that I have and I lead. If not for him I would not have had parents that I do. If not for his insistence, education would not have been valued like it is in my conservative family. If it was not he who encouraged not only his granddaughters today but also his daughters forty years ago to have a career, I would probably not be independent. So if not for him I would have not had the chance to know myself. And today that I do, I am too caught up with myself!

Ironic! He helped me be where I am today and I am unable to help him today. He stroked my head just a couple of years ago as I lay with my head in his lap. Now, I cannot even stroke his hand for long enough to comfort him. He was the one who was most eager for me to return to India. And my return seems to have disappointed him the most!

If such is the compromise required where I need to forsake emotional fulfilment for financial independence, not fully undertake my duties because I choose to endorse other responsibilities and where my ideals constantly clash with practicality; then I question if we as a generation are on the right path of growth. With the growing availability of resources, are we becoming more efficient or just more complacent? Or am I just being overly sentimental?

Mumbai: A Lesson of Living and Loving??

Over the last two days, like most of the world, I have expressed my emotions without inhibition. Be it a feeling of violation or be it anger towards some of the reactions that I am hearing, I have been voicing my views actively. At the same time I have been analyzing and debating with friends, measures that India probably needs to install going forward. Everyone has their views of what should be done ranging from compulsory military service being introduced to imposing of military rule in the country. Given the absolute shock value of India’s own 9/11, people’s ideas are also extreme.

While I would love to comment on all of this, I think there is something more fundamental that I would like to address before that. And that is the uncertainty of life. As a friend mentioned in his email yesterday, “there is absolutely no certainty in life about what lies ahead for us.. We could be driving on a road and a crane could fall on us or we could be having dinner / doing business in a hotel and get shot down... The inevitability of death to this body of ours seems so crystal clear.” His email had me thinking – if I were to die today, at this very moment, would I feel that I had lived a meaningful life? Would I transcend into the other world knowing that I had rendered all my duties? Will my conversations with God convince Him that in me He had a lot to be proud of? And above all, will I be able to close my eyes without any regrets?

I do think I lead an honest life, doing all that I do with sincerity. At the work place I believe that I have always strived to give my best, sometimes even getting unduly attached to my work. In fact, friends have often jested with an opinion that I am married to my job. There I have absolutely no regrets. On the personal front I am not so sure.

My family knows of their importance in my life and my unconditional love and support for them. However, I do think that I could spend some more time with them. There are friends who I think I would like to see and spend some more time with. I have been promising them a visit for a long time, not realizing that I need to grab the opportunity when it comes. Procrastination in being with the ones you care about might not be the smartest idea given the uncertainty of life. I am seeing this more clearly than ever before, today!

And then there comes something which I has been nagging me for the last twenty four hours – how measured should one be in human interaction. If a desire to express an emotion or admiration exists, is there merit in debating its articulation and the timing of the same? Is the deliberation worth, given that a prolonged delay could snatch away any opportunity of making these feelings known? How fair is it that the human race, in spreading terrorism and fear, has little qualm; but in spreading love and togetherness we sometimes take an eternity. Resolving this very basic conflict will hopefully help each one of us improve our own lives and also show us the way forward in these troubled times.

The Indian Woman - A Perspective

India is undergoing seismic shifts which are transforming the country’s economic setup, consumer attitudes, political system and even the traditional family unit. While in most other spheres the function of most stakeholders has altered; in the case of the household it is the role of women that has experienced the most visible changes. No longer confined to the four walls of a house, a tempting description of the modern Indian woman could be - a highly educated and driven career woman, fighting neck to neck to create her place under the sun. While not entirely incorrect, this would be an incomplete description. However ambitious she may be, the Indian woman is still the strongest pillar supporting the family architecture. She still remains a mother, a wife, a daughter and a sister before embarking on the journey of realizing her professional dreams.

India has the world’s largest number of professionally qualified women[1] and the highest number of women executives heading financial institutions[2]. With intelligent women abounding globally, it is not talent alone that has enabled Indian women to attain this distinction. It is not even that India is not a male dominated society so that women have it easier; much to the contrary actually. There are no gender biased judicial privileges that make it simpler for Indian women to scale these heights. However, in their mothers (and mothers-in-law) Indian women find invaluable and selfless contribution in running the household and bringing up children. It is the affection, devotion and stamina of mothers (and mothers-in-law) which have allowed the modern Indian woman to lead a satisfied life without compromising either her family or her career.

Co-existing with this Fortune magazine cover gracing female personalities is another segment of the modern Indian women which believes that the utilization of education, experience and exposure is most worthwhile in grooming children into becoming worthy and stable individuals. The tremendous sacrifice of these women, who give up lucrative career opportunities to provide early guidance, emotional stability and a support system, enhances the independence and intelligence of their children (as research has proven[3]). The Indian youth owes its success and well being in a big way to the Indian mother.

It is not just as a mother that the Indian woman cares for her family. The quintessential Indian wife has always walked along side her husband partaking some of his responsibilities. It is often for this reason that the modern Indian woman works, to guarantee that there is more than ample not just for her husband and children but also for the extended family. While she works hard to bolster the family, the modern Indian woman also handles compromises and change with equanimity to ensure that any transition is smooth for the family. It is a well known fact that today’s global enterprise and pride of India, Infosys, was started with the savings of Mrs. Sudha Murty, wife of the current Infosys Chief Mentor. Mrs. Murty’s faith in her husband, her unflinching support towards his passion, and her ability to successfully run the household with a smaller financial corpus has given the world one of its leading IT and consulting firms.[4] Not only did she provide the monetary means but in the subsequent year quit her promising job to relocate with her husband and help him in his business endeavour. No wonder they say that behind every successful man there is a woman! The modern Indian woman should be proud of herself for the same.

And while the mothers and the wives do their bits, the daughters can only learn from them. A society that has since time immemorial been biased towards the male child, is today beginning to witness an unthinkable tide. Daughters are providing for and taking care of their parents increasingly. Sullaja Firodia Motwani is an example of a daughter who is a father’s pride. Despite being born in a business family, Sullaja carved her own path and worked for a financial consulting firm in the US before returning to India to head that same company’s operations. However, when her father’s business started to see tougher times, Sullaja gave up her job and donned the hat of the co-captain in order to manoeuvre the Kinetic group out of troubled waters. She could have left the task to her brother alone and stuck to the identity she had created for herself. But acknowledging her responsibilities she stepped in and accepted the challenge.

The world talks about female infanticide, dowry deaths and female sexual harassment in India. What the world forgets to realize in the interim is that in these changing times, the contemporary Indian woman is sometimes faced with contradicting identities. While the feminist activists push her to one extreme, the tradionalist conservatives push her towards the other. The woman herself in the process is lost. However, in my opinion the identity of the Indian woman is what it always has been and can be simply described as:

"Kaaryeshumantri Karaneshudasi Bhoyjeshumata Sayaneshurambha
Dharmanukula Kshamayadharitri Sadgunmetatv hi Pavitranam
Syabharya Bhartasmanugamini Nityam Madhuvaktri Sabharya hi Bhakti"


Translated from Sanskrit in my interpretation as:

The one wise as a minister, who toils with endless energy and is the provider of food and luxuries,
The one who helps pick the right from wrong, has an endless capacity to forgive, is a collection of virtues and a pillar of purity,
The one who walks along side providing unconditional support, always has a kind word to say and is an epitome of sincerity

There remains little room for confusion now but ample for progress and prosperity.



Dedication:
This piece is dedicated foremost to my mother, a qualified lawyer and an accomplished classical singer, who gave up her career possibilities for her family. We are all indebted to her for the same. Next, this is dedicated to my elder sister who in my childhood was a second mother (much to my dislike). A very qualified dietician and a nutritionist she has decided to work only part time as her priority now are her two children. And lastly this is for my maternal grandmother, who from an early age taught me the importance of discipline and devotion.

[1] Source: www.mapofindia.com

[2] Three of the world’s largest surviving banking institutions’ operations in India (JP Morgan, HSBC and UBS) are headed by women. Fidelity Asset management, PWC and rating agency Crisil are other examples of organizations with women at the helm. Indian banking institutions such as RBI and ICICI have had women steering them for a long time now and in that respect are a global rarity.
[3] Jim Brown, Agape Press, November 14, 2005

Two new studies indicate parents might want to reconsider sending their children to daycare or preschool. In one study, Stanford University and University of California researchers found that children who spend more than six hours a day in center-based care outside the home showed poor social skills. According to the researchers, the children in the investigation showed "diminished levels of cooperation, sharing, motivated engagement in classroom tasks, and greater aggression. And in another study, this one conducted by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, a researcher found that kids who spent long hours in daycare and preschool exhibited "poorer work habits and poorer social skills through third grade." These children, according to the study, tended more than others to have trouble concentrating and completing their school work.

[4] Source: Sudha Murty’s Autobiography: “In 1981 Murty wanted to start Infosys. He had a vision and zero capital…initially I was very apprehensive about Murty getting into business. We did not have any business background .. Moreover we were living a comfortable life in Bombay with a regular pay check and I didn’t want to rock the boat. But Murty was passionate about creating good quality software. I decided to support him. Typical of Murty, he just had a dream and no money. So I gave him Rs 10,000 which I had saved for a rainy day, without his knowledge and told him, this is all I have. Take it. I give you three years sabbatical leave. I will take care of the financial needs of our house. You go and chase your dreams without any worry. But you have only three years!”

Finding the balance

After a long and treacherous week which spanned all possible occurrences ranging from falling quite ill, to squabbling with friends, to trying to solicit deals, to hearing not so positive news at work; I needed a relaxing Saturday night out with friends. It was an attempt to forget the miserable gone week and hope that the coming weeks would bring along more cheer. So when Mr. Time Sheet called to suggest a late night movie or drinks after dinner, I was quite excited. I mean now this is one intelligent gentleman (unlike the men mentioned in my last post) who knows how to have a laugh.

Initially Mr. Time Sheet was certain that we could meet for pre-dinner drinks. I was not hopeful. He had spent the night before last at work, left post nine last night (and was happy to be out “early”) and was back to work this morning (a Saturday!). Now given this track record I safely assumed that we would be able to meet only post dinner. So I made alternate dinner plans and was lounging at home when Mr. Time Sheet called. Apparently, it would take him longer than expected. He suggested that Mr. Builder picks me up and we meet at about 11:00 pm somewhere close to his work place. I gave myself a pat on the back (I knew he would never make it before 10:30 pm) and decided that when Mr. Builder would come and pick me up, instead of calling Time Sheet we would just land up at his office. It would ensure that the poor guy would get out and take a well deserved break.

We reached the offices of this premier organization at 11:40 pm and called up our dear friend. No answer on his mobile. So we dialed the land line. A sleepy sounding attendant answered and confirmed that our friend was around. He was alive and kicking and just this information was comforting! (Ok I am exaggerating!). Time Sheet slowly walked out of the office. He looked kaput! I insisted that we wait while he wrapped up his work. So we were invited to come into the office and wait at the reception rather than stand outside on the deserted street. This is where the fun starts.

All of us have worked all night longs and put in 28 hour days at some point or the other. However, none of us would have worked like my dear friend did. The office was undergoing pest control. Along with the germ laden air conditioned air there was a heavy dose of pesticide in the office environment. And this is what greeted us into the office that Mr. Time Sheet had been confined to the whole long day. Interesting! As we walk in I also see that the elevator is under refurbishment and there are some repair works going on. So my friend toils on the documents as the laborers toil on the bricks and mortar, all subjected to some additional pollution of dust and lime maybe. Now Time Sheet goes into work leaving me, Mr Builder and some dust covered sofas with the attendant. Out of curiosity, I ask the attendant how many people are there in the office. He goes for a quick round, comes back and says three. Just three? Just three people working all these hours while the others are sleeping in the comforts of their homes? Just three when the revenues earned would support the thirty others in the team? Just three when it could have been five sharing the work and ensuring everyone went home on time? Not fair!

Well life can be unfair! Look at this. The attendant informed us that there were 12 attendants in all, working different shifts. So he has 11 replacements! And here Time Sheet has not even been given one! Anyway, Builder and I query what were to happen if all 12 were to fall ill simultaneously? The attendant just laughed and said “how can that happen?” My question is what will happen if Time Sheet who has no replacement falls ill? Then who will take over and fill in? There has to be a balance! A balance between work and life. A balance between delegation and supervision. A balance between staying up late and sleeping. A balance between moving ahead in a career and burning out too quickly. Hopefully Time Sheet will find the balance soon and not burn out. He is an asset to his firm as very emphatically stated by his senior who later accompanied us to a nice session of drinks and a very late night dinner. I hope his firm realizes the asset he is and compensates him with a commensurate bonus. At least then I can go out and claim a treat ;-)! Until then let us all plug along and find that balance!