Saturday, 7 February 2009

Regaining the Lost Balance

I cannot help but wonder why some people are just so important in our lives. How is it that they leave marks which are hard to erase? Why do they say things which are impossible to ignore? Why is it that their dreams become ours? These people are parents, siblings, friends, betterhalfs and then at some point our own children.

Ever since my return to India I have been absorbing the love of all my relationships. It has suddenly made me feel that the world is a little vase filled with the water of love with flowers of relationships blooming. I love this feeling and am grateful for it.

With these relationships come obligations. Not all of them are imposed; most of these are self impositions as emotions are hard to ignore. Accustomed to skating on the ice of life with freedom, suddenly maintaining the grace with the additional weight to pull is becoming tricky. Even though I use the word weight, I do not imply burden. I am just unable to describe what I have in tow; it is a voluntary baggage that I not only have selected but I need. I am a people’s person and those who are close to me are more important to me than everything else. So when I neglect them for work, I am taken over by guilt.

Calvin and Hobbs waited for an hour and I met them. One has been my lucky charm for years together and the other my absolute best friend in this whole wide world. The two of them together with me, it is happening after 3 years. It is a dream come true and yet not only did I make them wait but was on the phone with work for a long time after we met. While they repeatedly kept saying, “Tanu, its just work, relax,” I know they understand. Still I did not understand my own priorities. This is probably the most important time in both their lives and yet I was preoccupied.

Why are choices in life so difficult? Why is it that with the increase in sophistication and progress of technology, the availability of time for all that truly matters is becoming scarce? Why cannot feelings be just feelings and be felt? I wish I could regain my balance and poise; and glide and sail with all the love, emotions and career progression in tow. Is it too much to ask? If it is then I think I have prioritized, not in action yet but in words already.

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