Music, Madan Mohan & Me

The last few weeks have been tough for assorted reasons. The one thing that got me to unwind and get ready for the long back to back days was music; especially the old Bollywood classics. As the rough patch started to ease, I got back into the rhythm of practicing and singing. I first started with a few chosen Raag Yaman songs, then it was Taal Keharva, this was followed by Rafi melodies, which preceded Kishore da renditions and finally today I was hooked on to the legend that Madan Mohan was. 

While I have to admit that my appreciation that the legend that Madan Mohan peaked when I fell in love with "Tere liye" from Veer Zara, some of his songs have been childhood favorites. "Zara si aahat hoti hai" by sung by Lata Mangeshkar, "Teri Aankhon Ke Siva" by Rafi and "Tum Jo Mil Gaye Ho" a Lata and Rafi duet are not just pure gold but are terrific examples of Mandanji's versatility. 

Born in Baghdad, he breathed his last in Bombay at a very young age of 51. However, in that time he gave music to about 100 movies and for singers that ranged from the gazhal maestro Talat Mahmood to the effervescent Kishore Kumar. His partnership with the Nightingale is the reason we are blessed with melodies such as "Baiyyan Na Dharo", "Aap Ki Nazaron ne Samjha" and "Ruke Ruke se Kadam". The list is endless. 

It's not just the pathos and the depth that his music had which differentiated him, or that he used the influence of gazhals and classical music seamlessly; but it was his ability to weave all of this deftly with the lyrics and mood of songs across movie genres such as war (Haqeeqat) or tragedy & romance (Mera Saya) or haunted spirits (Woh Kaun Thi). That is the sole reason that every song of Dastak is unforgettable and even an amateur like me has to sing every song of Woh Kaun Thi. If songs were a weave, warp and weft of these melodies would leave even the most talented weaver struggling for years to understand how to get the craft right! 

As I was going through his body of work I realised that as far as lyricists go, about 50% of his work is with three - Raja Mehdi Ali Khan, Kaifi Azmi and Rajendra Krishna. In fact both Mera Saya and Woh Kaun thi are Mehdi Ali Khan babies as is Anpadh. I will admit that Anpadh is maybe as an album not at the same pedestal as the other two but who can forget the overwhelming love that is poetically and profusely expressed in "Aap Ki Nazaron Ne Samjha"! 

And that took me back to a discussion I had with a music expert many years ago. During a conversation I mentioned that while the melodies of Veer Zara were honey sweet, the soul haunting song in the album was just one - "Tere Liye". It was only this that compared to all the gems mentioned above. The expert highlighted to me that it was because it was this song that paired the right raag, the right melody with the right lyrics. It was the perfect pairing that created a masterpiece which touches the depths of the listener's heart each time and every time without fail. 

And so as I switch from humming "Zara si Aahat" to "Aapki Nazaron Ne Samjha" to "Tere Liye", I thank the legendary Madan Mohan for leaving behind this treasure trove of melodies which are soul food for music lovers and a blanket of comfort for one and all. 

On that note will call it a night! Have a good one peeps! 

Bhakti and Sufism

The Benevolent One once told me that in Kalyuga the simplest path to reach the divine was via Bhakti. He never prescribed rituals but always spoke of how the Lord was partial to His devotees. One of the mediums that Bhakti followers use to express their endless love and devotion for the divine is music. And given how dear music is to me, Bhakti was easy for me to understand. Bhakti sangeet, infact, has been a part of my life from fairly early on. 

Meera bai wrote love and longing filled poems for her beloved Krishna which Marwari grandmothers sang to my generation in our childhood. It was our first introduction to music. The Vinaypatrika by Sant Tulsidas, similarly,  is a collection of poems set to specific ragas. Each and every poem either is a praise of Lord Ram, Devi Sita or a call to them to be the saviour or a tribute to their greatness.  Bhakt Surdas, Narsi Mehta, Ras Khan and multiple other poets have left a treasure trove of Bhakti sangeet that makes a connection with the Lord much simpler for those with a restless mind like mine. Music brings focus and the poetry reaches the soul or it could easily be vice-versa. Singing bhajans for the last two years has made this realisation even stronger. 

On a track parallel to Bhakti sangeet is Sufi music. While qawalis are the most recognised form of Sufi music, the genre has many forms such as the Turkish Ayin, African Gnawa and back home Ghazals and Kafi. While I am not well versed with the foreign sub types, qawali and ghazals have often been my music of choice. 

Bhajans, qawali and ghazals; all have a proximity to Hindustani classical that makes them personally more melodious. The common use of the Harmonium and the Tabla further increases their appeal, and while I have been able to learn numerous bhajans over the last two years, I am only starting with Sufi songs now. 

Amongst my favourite Bollywood Sufi compositions is Khwaja Mere Khwaja from Jodha Akbar. On a side note, that movie also has a beautiful bhajan Mann Mohana and Ashutosh Gowariker has to be credited with getting some of Rahman's best divine music out to the world. Back to Khwaja Mere Khwaja, the tabla in this qawali adds a dimension where the devotee ultimately wants to dance for the Lord. It's tone, it's notes, it's melody are all sublime. Once I start listening to it there is no stopping me. 

This evening as my play list was on a shuffle, Khwaja Mere Khwaja started. It brought an instantaneous smile on my face. Maybe for the first time today but I heard the lyrics carefully and they brought me home to the Benevolent One. While I know He is with me I miss seeing Him and being able to hear Him. As I was listening to the qawali, the lyrics that came were as if straight from my heart to His ears - 

"टली हर बला हमारी

छाया है खुमार तेरा

जितना भी रश्क करे बेशक

तो कम है, ऐ मेरे ख्वाजा

तेरे क़दमों को मेरे रहनुमा नहीं

छोड़ना गंवारा"

He has always protected me and I have always basked under His love, sometimes even gloating that I am His favourite of all three. At least I think so; and even if that were to be a figment of my imagination, leaving Him is not an option for me. He is my faith, He is my belief and He is the one who led me down this blessed life that I have. 

As I am listening to this song end for the umpteenth time, I have also been aided by Google in identifying an instrumental version that my voice will be comfortable with. So as I now attempt to sing and record this soulful divine calling I pray that the Benevolent continues to bless me and hear me . 

On that happy note wishing all of you a restful night and a happy morning. 

Medicine and Music

My heart was heavy. Had been since Little Springsteen had the dastardly accident. One place the mind went was what if this has all happened because I have started my music again? It's an extremely silly thought and completely illogical, but when the heart is heavy it behaves irrationally. And while I knew this at an intellectual level, I needed reassurance. To voice my fixated baseless worry I called Her, the one who understands me as much as Mother does. Her immediate revert to me was, "संगीत तो आराधना है बेटा, यह भाव तो स्वप्न में भी नहीं आना चाहिए|" And just with Her saying so I felt relieved. 

Her words are so true; music is devotion, it's pursuit is a prayer and it reaches the soul. In fact it's the only universal constant. The note can be called a Sa or a Do but will sound the same. It can be sung as Pa or So but the frequency does not change. Nothing else; not colours, not wind, not water, nothing retains its consistency across the universe. Probably that's why memory is also aided by music. From mythology to reality we know of how music helps retention and memorisation. It was the reason that Lord Shankar asked Ravana to set the Vedas to music and expecting mothers are asked to listen to music.

As my classes have progressed I can hear my own improvement, slow but audible. I am more confident in my singing and I am enjoying trying unknown songs. Most importantly I am experiencing peace and calm. It is what has given me the strength through the happenings of the last ten days and helped me relax over the last twenty four hours when the doctor called to say that the first green shoots in Little Springsteen's recovery may now be visible. 

Four days ago I stood outside the ICU waiting for Bruce to come. I was feeling vulnerable but had to be strong; afterall Bruce is the father. I looked around and my eyes could not hold any sight for more than a few seconds. On a stretcher lay a young man in pain, unable to get up. His ailment I did not know but this was a plastic surgery and burns ICU that I was outside, so I probably did not even want to know. Next to him, on the steel chair, sat a man with an arm in the sling having had the hand amputated. Further ahead was a young girl with a facial issue that had caused the left side of the face to swell up as if there was a tennis ball inserted. As she sat outside the ICU, there was an IV connected to her hand. Further down was a few months old baby, crying mildly. What caught my heart was the cannula on his tiny little hand. How tormenting must this be! And all between these patients sat the attendants and relatives of those inside the ICU. The agony in that room was overflowing and yet there were smiles and laughter, empathy and sympathy, and mutual caring and sharing. 

The lady manning the entry to the ICU was stern but in a while she softened and herself mentioned that while Bruce was with Little Springsteen she would see if the ICU doctor would meet with me. A kind and patient individual, the doctor walked out and with a smile on her face greeted me. In detail and in simple terms she explained the nature of electrical injuries and burns, how they progress and what could be the consequences. She then went on to give me Little Springsteen's prognosis and the assurance that they were doing all and more that they could. Then came the HOD, a man who is a personality and he guided me to the treating doctor. As the gentleman approached me, he saw the agony and asked me to take a seat on the couch inside the ICU entrance. He sat beside me and began to explain the treatment thus far. He also said that the full extent of the injuries would not be known till the blood markers start to stabilise but in his experience "children and more resilient. They pull through. The cardiologist is of the same view." At that point in time a tear rolled down. I could not hold that one back but then composed myself. I folded my hands and told him how grateful we were for all their efforts and generosity and ultimately we were at their mercy. He immediately corrected me to say that we are all the mercy of the Lord! 

Having spoken to the doctors I wanted to meet Little Springsteen but his wounds were being dressed. It had been a very early morning and so I decided to go for a cup of tea. Bruce and I walked to the little hole in the wall that dispensed sugary and milky tea that had been cooked for a long time on an open fire. We both sat discussing the blessings that we had encountered. He said, "दीदी ठीक हो रहा है। सब बहुत कर रहे हैं। समय तो लगेगा।" I was humbled by his strength.

The campus of King George Memorial University is huge. So as we walked back to the ICU we had time and I understood the challenges Bruce was facing. He could not sleep as in the middle of the night he was sent with blood samples to the Trauma Center for testing. Then they sent him to the chemist to get items needed for dressing the wounds. In case Little Springsteen was in pain they would call out to him again. The emotional and physical toll that he was soaking was not showing. I felt so helpless at this situation that all I could do was hear and be there as a moral support, be the elder sister he treats me as.

Once at the ICU entrance we were told that a patient had passed on and so we needed to wait till the formalities were over. I waited. Then one individual was allowed to go suddenly and meet their patient at which the security lady got upset. If they were allowed why was I being made to wait. She asked me to quickly remove my shoes and follow her inside. Not caring about the cleanliness or sanitation I followed her. I wanted to see Little Springsteen. Keeping my eyes on the floor I followed her. I wanted to ensure that I did not step on anything sharp or into a puddle. 

As I reached Little Springsteen he looked at me with full awareness. The nurse next to him told me how good a patient he was being. I saw the amputated arm and the other one in bandages. My heart was thudding. I requested Little Springsteen to eat well and promise me that he would eat orally every day. I explained that oral nutrition was critical to his becoming healthier. Telling him that his recovery was all we wanted I was heading out when I saw a completely burnt man lying on the bed next to the child's. I reverted my gaze back to the floor and moved out. If the injuries were not sufficient the atmosphere was enough to scare the child. What sadness!! 

I came out, thinking of this when I bumped into the treating doctor again. He asked me I had met Little Springsteen. I said yes and that while he was completely aware, alert and coherent, there was visible psychological trauma. The doctor smiled gently ," of course. It's the pain, the reality and then the ICU atmosphere." And in the next breath he cautioned me that ICU is where Little Springsteen needed to be so we had to deprioritise the psychological trauma. He was right. That had to be the course of action. 

It was almost noon and I decided to leave Bruce to rest and attend to things that needed his attention. I told him I would be back before heading to the airport. With that I made my way to the car. As I sat inside I realised I was numb. There was so much pain that I had seen, so much agony and Bruce and Little Springsteen were in the midst of that day in and day out! How were they expected to be strong! It was not fair and a feeling of deep helplessness embraced me. 

That's when I turned to the only solace I know, devotional music. I put the music on shuffle and the first Bhajan that played, praised the kindness of the Guru. I bowed my head to the Benevolent One and another tear escaped. He has always heard me and been the kindest and the most generous. I called out to Him for the same once more. The next one is an all time favourite, it's a Bollywood song that talks of surrender to the almighty. The music is deeply touching. Picturised on children, it has been dear to me since I was a kid. Hearing it a couple of times I felt strength return to my body. The next one that I heard was the prayer of Lord Hanuman and it describes all that He did for Lord Ram. Finally came the Bhajan that off late is one I sing often. It asks the Lord to keep me in his sight always. By then I knew that He was listening and with that my breath came back to normal. As the rest of the songs went on playing I could feel peace return to my being and very soon I was calm, controlled and could think of buying myself yet another Lucknow Chikankari salwar kameez! I was in Lucknow and how could I not; even though I have multiple already!

Music has held me strong through the most turbulent times and how right is She is to say that music is a prayer. After all the Benevolent One had wished that I learn Hindustani Classical. His wish is always in my best interest. Maybe I have restarted music to become a better person...

On that note, I go to my daily practice and request that all you dear readers continue your prayers for my little fighter who seems to be improving. Signing off till the next post! 

Dial M for Music

I am but one of the million fans that Lata didi has. I am but a minion in the journey of music that she summited. I am but a speck in the universe of which she is now a part. And yet I cannot stop my thoughts from straying around her music and her sheer talent and genius. Like a river to the ocean, I am drawn to just her music since Sunday.

As the morning started with me trying to work on finding solutions to the issues sitting in my inbox, I was unable to focus without listening to her music. Even last night sleep eluded as I tried to attempt melody after melody and then restarting with something simpler. I just could not find something I was capable of singing. A similar challenge this morning was what to hear. There is an incredible legacy that she has left behind; even if one tried one lifetime is less to do justice to her music. What a blessed life!

I finally settled to start with an SD Burman album that is greatly influenced by Hindustani Classical, and incidentally the story of the film is about the musical talent of a woman. Yes, you guessed it – “Abhiman”. As I listened to the soul soothing “Nadiya Kinare” I was reminded of a musical incident that I had totally forgotten. This was high school. I was 14 and under the tutelage of a Ghazal singer when I was asked to participate in a singing competition. The trouble was this was to be a duet and we were in an all-girls school. Women duets are rare and those that one found were beyond our capability. Finally, we chose “Loote Koi Man Ka Nagar” from Abhiman. Given that I have always been at relative ease with kharaj I sang the male part. Listening to this track today, I am glad that I did so.

As I went through the day, I received two whatsapps that made my choices easier. The first one had a fabulous selection of Lata didi's solos. It reconnected me with the equally sublime and powerful “Jago Mohan Pyare”. When we were children, mother used to sing a slightly modified sthayee of the song while doing her morning Pooja. I had for some strange reason forgotten this composition. And with all knowledge that I am not worthy, I have decided to attempt this bhajan over this weekend. How successful am I will be known only in the coming days. In the interim I am listening to “Bekas Pe Karam Kijiye”. A few years ago, while mother was visiting Nani, Papa and a dear friend of his had wanted to see the live performance of Mughle – E- Azam at the NCPA. I went along and distinctly remember that when this song was being sung, I whispered to Papa – “please let us play the original in the car on the way home”. The “pukaar” and the “dua” that Lata didi infused in the melody heightened the message being conveyed by the lyrics of Shakeel Badayuni. As I listened to this and heard her intonations and emphasis on the word “sarkaar” I remembered Guruji’s early teaching where he made me understand the importance of extending, elongating, and emoting along with the “matras” and not the “akshar”. Music is truly divine.

The second whatsapp that I received from my grandfather figure and my epitome of grace and affection was “Yeh Jeevan Hai” from “Piya Ka Ghar”! What a movie from Rajshree productions! As I was listening to this song more than anything else the lyrics hit me hard. Specifically, the following –

“ये ना सोचो इसमें अपनी, हार है के जीत है

उसे अपना लो जो भी, जीवन की रीत है”

As these lines played, I recollected my conversation with Guruji this morning. At the end of the Riyaz I asked him why was it that all of Lata didi’s works were suddenly being taken out of the treasure chests now. They had always existed and in the same glory. So, what makes them more special today? He simply smiled said, “Well this is what life is”. I sometimes want to ask the creator why is this so but I guess I will need to wait my turn…

Music has been my one constant in my life and I do hope that I can now be consistent in my learning. I will never even be 0.00001% of Lata didi but I hope I can be 1% of her consistency in Riyaz. As Guruji said before he ended this morning “Always remember और कुछ नहीं पर ये स्वर साथ आते भी हैं और जाते भी।“

Dial M for Mangeshkar and you will get Music

 As I look at my twitter feed, listening to the music of the legend, I have a smile on my face and tears in my eyes. Of course, the world of music is poorer today and the void created cannot be and will never be filled. But my tears are just accompanying the ironic smile on my face. It was Basant Panchami yesterday. The day of Ma Saraswati. I restarted my Hindustani Classical training yesterday and the incarnation of Ma Saraswati went to her heavenly abode today. This time I will not stop, my learning will continue, but its just ironic. Or so I think and feel, and some of you who know me will know why this irony is so strong for me.

In one of her earlier interviews, she had said that devotional music was amongst her favourites. I am musically a pauper compared to her, but I also really enjoy that genre. In fact, when I started singing weekly bhajans about two years ago, it was also because her rendition of “Allah Tero Naam” was looped in my head. Knowing my keen interest in devotional music, just before Nani passed away, that is one song Guruji had started teaching me. This was in addition to the knowledge of the ragas and Riyaz that I was getting under his tutelage. As I started to sing the bhajan, I would listen to her rendition of the same multiple times a day. Other than her voice and intonations what struck me was how one could never hear her breathe while singing. Notice it. She is amongst the rarest of singers who while singing do not let their breath hit the microphone. Apparently, she would turn slightly away from the recording instrument and then inhale. What dedication to the art!

As hard as I try and recall, I cannot remember my first Lataji song. What I do have is a vivid memory of the two LPs that I played very regularly. One is a recording of her live performances with the legendary Mukesh and the other one is that of her live performance at the Royal Albert Hall. I still have both the LPs and had to share this picture from the first one, which is her tribute to the singer she called an older brother. This LP introduced me to one of my all-time Lataji favourites, “Aap Ki Nazaron Ne Samjha”. The lyrics somewhere depict what love means to me and her rendition makes that emotion extremely palpable. Madan Mohan who was the music director for this song incidentally was also the composer of her last full album as well – Veer Zara. The song “Tere Liye Hum Hain Jiye” from Veer Zara awakens every pore in my body and every corner of my soul. Her voice conveys the deep emotion of love so well that I can feel that love in my own bones! 

The second LP had two songs that have stuck with me all through – “Satyam Shivam Sundaram” is the first. In fact, one of the weekends, I thought I could try and sing this bhajan and then had to acknowledge how far I am in my journey to be able to attempt this song. So, respecting her kala I did not even venture to attempt the first line. The second one is “Ehasaan Tera Hoga Mujh Par” from Junglee. The profound lyrics come alive with her soulful rendition. This one I tried to attempt (even my attempt to try was meek) and shared with Apyrrhicvictor. A very dear friend who understands music and revels in it as much as I, he is the only one I feel I can share some of these recordings with. He is honest and gentle in his feedback, and I am not scared of being judged by him. In almost two decades of friendship, he must have been done with judging me multiple times over! 

One movie that I can watch multiple times over is the Hrishikesh Mukherjee directed “Chupke Chupke”. C Ramachandra has just lit the plot with his absolutely perfect scores. However, I can never get over the title track, “Chupke Chupke Chal Ri Purvaiya”. Lataji sung it with such ease, that the grace with which the melody envelopes the sublime lyrics is purely prepossessing. It’s been a song that has always inspired me to have control in my singing. She had this innate command on music and voice where she could just use control to convey the emotion. No intonations, no murkhis, no alaaps. Just pure simple controlled rendition and the song seemed to be from another planet. That is exactly how she could invoke the patriotism of millions of Indians when she sang “Ae Mere Watan Ke Logon”. She used the right amount of softness and force in various parts of the song so that the listener feels the call to duty, the pain and the valour all in that span of a few minutes. I remember watching Indian Idol recently where one of the contestants had brilliantly sung a Lataji classic. While commenting on the performance, one of the judges said that while he could not take away the stunning capability of the performer her real challenge would be to bring about the same emotions without having Lataji’s rendition as a guide. And how true he was. Very few singers have been able to get this control right.

In fact, as I write this, the other melody that comes to mind is the beautiful “Gudiya Hum Se Roothi Rahogi” from the film Dosti. It’s a song that Sequoia and I often sang to the pampered Bonsai and later to our Mini Mouse when she would get upset. The playful innocence with which Lataji sang that song really captured the emotions of a mother trying to cajole a sulking child. Throughout childhood it was a fun song to sing and tease Bonsai when she would needlessly mope or brood. The music of this song was given by the duo of Laxmikant – Pyarelal. Between 1963 – 1998, Lataji recorded 712 songs with them which is the highest number of compositions she sang with any music director. If we are counting then her top 3 music directors after Laxmikant – Pyarelal were Shankar Jaikishan (453), R.D. Burman (327) and C Ramachandra (298) with Kalyanji Anandji at a close 297 next.

Lataji with Shankar Jaikishen gave us some absolute classics that are evergreen and of course “Ehsan Tera Hoga Mujh Par” is at the top. But one other hauntingly melodious creations of the trio, for me, is “Ajeeb Dastaan Hai Yeh”. This is another song where Lataji has empowered the melody and incorporated control to convey more than what the lyrics could. Another one is from the movie Saanjh Aur Savera. While Suman Kalyanpur has sung some of the songs from the film no one could have sung “Manmohan Krishna Murari” like Lataji did. The unconditional devotion pours out of every note. This is one bhajan that I have been singing regularly now because it is attemptable, and her singing is just inspirational.

“Bekhudi Mein Sanam” is a song I recently recorded as I had to sing it to get out of my system. I had been humming it incessantly and once when accidentally my mic was on during a zoom meeting. Embarrassed to the core, that I night I sung it finally. Obviously, it is no patch on the original, but it is a great example of the nostalgic classics that we got when Lataji sang with Kalyanji Anandji. The other one being “Chandan Sa Badan” a song in raag Yaman that I attempted just last night! 

One of my all-time favourite Bollywood soundtracks is Aandhi. This is RD Burman’s pinnacle in my view. And this album would not have been what it is without Lataji. The call to love with “Is Mod Se Jaate Hain” to the acknowledgement of love with “Tum Aa Gaye Ho” and finally the acknowledgement of the longing for love with “Tere Bina Zindagi Se”. None of these songs would have their souls had it not been Lataji breathing life into them. What an incredible voice and musical talent house she was! It seems unbelievable that she has transcended to be with the Gods, the creators of music. Think of it, while she sang for RD Burman, she also sang for his great father SD Burman. Remember "Katon Se Kheench Ke Ye Aanchal" and the "Guide" soundtrack? She also sang for mothers and daughters - Tanuja and Kajol are one example!

As we moved to Bombay, we had the absolute fortune of attending her last live concert in the city. There was a massive live orchestra and then there was the much anticipated performance of “Ye Kahan Aa Gaye Hum” with the Bollywood numero uno Amitabh Bachchan. Shiv-Hari are classical maestros, and they outdid themselves in scoring the songs of “Silsila”. The music is a class apart! When the orchestra played the opening notes my toes started tingling, but I will never ever forget the sensation that shot through me when Lataji started singing this song. I have always been very partial to this song. It was this melody that made me want to visit Keukenhof and as an MBA student I saved for a trip to visit the Tulip Gardens. That day, walking through the rows of flowers, I kept listening to Lataji’s live performance of this song. At every step of life she seemed to have been there with the music, with her voice.

It sounds silly as I am even thinking of writing this next bit, but however stupid it may sound, given the vast repertoire of bhajans and Bollywood classics that Lataji had garnered I never even thought about hearing her work in her native Marathi. A few years ago, a friend shared her music collection on a thumb drive. She is an ardent music lover and a Maharashtrian so of course I had the opportunity to skim the surface of Marathi music. And in that came a beautiful Sant Dyaneshwar composition “Mogara Phulala”. I was completely soaked in this composition. Speaking to my friend I realised that while the voice was that of Lataji, the music was composed by her brother Pandit Hridaynath Mangeshkar. The entire family is blessed by Ma Saraswati and today I pray that she grants them the strength to carry on without the matriarch.

If I do not make a deliberate attempt, I will not stop penning today. How can one when she has sung some 30,000 songs in 36 languages, across genres and generations! But I have to stop. 

As I paid my last respects to this musical genius and goddess, what struck me was stuning. Maybe my restarting my training yesterday was very timely because I had her blessings while she was here on this planet. My eyes are still moist, and my smile remains but the smile is no longer of irony but of gratitude. 

They say that the soul takes a few days to transcend from this mortal world to the abode of the Gods. Any attachments, here, make that transition difficult. I pray that the love that the nation has for Lataji makes it easier for her to reach the abode of Ma Saraswati so that she can bless us all forever and ever. So filled with deepest of gratitude, I thank her for the music that she has blessed us with.

Music & I

 Long Post Alert* 

Through the multiple schools of childhood where I carefully made friends, through all the turbulent and exhilarating years of adolescence and then through the journey across countries and companies as an adult; I have had one steadfast companion, one constant, and that has been music. With both parents being ardent music lovers I believe music is a blessing that I inherited from them. They furthered that interest and left no stone unturned to get us exposure to varied genres, and musical education both vocal and instrumental. 

A large part of summer holidays were spent at Nana Nani house in Jaipur. Mother had grown up there and had the fortune to have learnt under Pandit Vishwa Mohan Bhatt. So she was hopeful that one of her daughters would also have that luck. I was the chosen one, maybe because she had caught me multiple times recording songs that I heard playing on the many LPs at home. I went to Guruji to learn the Sitar at the onset. A restless me found it quite a tall ask to sit in the required position for the duration of the class. I would shift and fidget. So after the first few classes he told mother that maybe she should be less hopeful, which is when she requested that he teach me vocal. At her request he mustered courage to give me one more shot. Well I passed that litmus test and during those holidays I learnt from him; my fortune. 

As a child I had no appreciation for the depth of Hindustani Classical. I enjoyed it tremendously though and with all modesty I say that potentially at that age I could read the notes of a bandish and put the melody together, a task that today is nearly impossible for me. Tiwari sir was a very soft spoken and patient musician. He used to play the tabla at school and mother requested him to train me in Hindustani Classical while school was in session. He kindly agreed and I was introduced to the Bhatkhande system. Why do I remember these details to date is because of one particular incident. 

I was probably seven or eight years old when I was told at school that I would need to perform two songs at the annual day - one Hindustani Classical and one Western composition. Both teachers said that I could select what I wanted to sing and get it cleared from them. English was easy. I went to Yashoda ma'am saying I wanted to sign Abba's I have a dream, a song which to this day is one of my favourites. She consented and agreed to train me! Bless her. To this day I hesitatingly share my bhajans and writings with her. I just cannot disappoint her after all the efforts she put into us lot.

So one song decided, I began to search for the Hindustani Classical bandish. Not sure why, but I was a lot more particular about this one and so sat with the Bhatkhande book daily until one fine day I stumbled on two that captivated me. One was a raag Yaman composition and the other was raag Asawari. I do not understand the raag system well even today, back then I was a total illiterate in that respect. Tiwari Sir made the final selection and Asawari is what he taught me, with a Tarana and all. I remember that composition to date down to the last swar. How blessed were those days. 

After that, summer holidays were not with Guruji. Why, I don't know and before that thought even crops up in your mind, no the reason was not the restless or the fidgety me. However, instead we had a masterji come to Nana Nani house to teach bhajans to all of us cousins. That was my favourite time of the day and it used to be my endeavour to please him the most as well and be his favourite disciple. Here is what that led to. 

Masterji used to come in the evenings and have his evening tea while we kids had our evening milk. Given that we were at the grandparents' house, milk meant cold coffee, a luxury that was a mere dream for the remainder of the year. So there came a point where I decided that I would make masterji's tea and the cousins' cold coffee. I was probably nine or ten and no more. The family's trusted helping hand, Mr Lanky, was there to supervise and guide. Except for one day I could not find the ground sugar powder that went into the coffee. I waited but Mr Lanky was not making his way to the kitchen. So I went into Nani's bhandarghar (pantry) and after opening a few boxes found the white powder. I put that into the smaller container that had its place in the kitchen and went about my chore. I gave tea to masterji and cold coffee to the cousins. Masterji drank his tea but the cousins said that the cold coffee tasted different. Who cared about siblings when masterji was happy. So I turned a deaf ear. 

The next day a similar reaction came my way and I returned my indifference. The third day one cousin complained of stomach ache at night and we all wondered what had we eaten but no one could put a finger on anything. Nani house seldom had food from outside. So the next evening as I was making tea for masterji, I decided that the stomach ache candidate should not drink cold coffee and took out one glass less. That is when Mr Lanky walked in. He asked me why there was one less glass and I said that cold coffee may not be the best beverage for someone with a stomach ache and authoritatively asked him to pass me the small container of powdered sugar. He was wasting my time. I had to get the tea quickly to masterji. As Mr Lanky was passing me the container he removed the lid and shouted in horror , " is this what you have been putting in the cold coffee!" An indignant me said, "yes. I found it all by myself when you were not here to guide and I also give this fine sugar to masterji". Oh he burst into splits! Apparently I had been using flour, as in plain white refined flour, in my tea and coffee instead of powdered sugar! That explained the stomach ache to everyone and to my embarassment in front of masterji. He was gracious though and said nothing but only smiled. I am red as a tomato even as I write this....

Back to music. Masterji taught us a number of bhajans but two have stuck with me for their melodies and yearning. One is Surdas' "Prabhuji more avagun chit na dharo" and the other one is the raag Yaman based "Sada Shiva bhaja man nisdan". Masterji's tutelage, apart from that one incident was very uneventful or so it seemed then, but today I realise that it was that early learning which instilled in me the appreciation for bhajans and the emotions that it brings out. Masterji's deep voice along with the harmonium reverberates in my ears even today. I wish I could go back to those days..

Coming to think of it Yashoda ma'am and masterji both have to be credited for introducing me to folk music and patriotic songs. Masterji taught us Rajasthani folk songs which also helped me pick up Marwari, a language that amongst sisters and cousins probably I have the best grasp on. Oh of course this is not a modesty post; or was it supposed to be! Oops! One of the most memorable Rajasthani folk songs he taught is the fun filled "Anjan ki seeti mein mharo man dole" completely ruined by Bollywood's insistence to modernise almost everything! Yashoda ma'am's contribution to my musical memories is endless but the top one has to be "Himadri tung shring se prabhudh shudh bharti", a Jaishankar Prasad poem set to music that is a tribute and a call of duty to the armed forces.

As we moved to Malaysia we were introduced to the Organ. I described then as a combination of the keyboard and the Piano. Father insisted that we use the opportunity to acquaint ourselves with the Western classics. So a tutor came to teach us and an Organ was purchased (it still is with us albeit only ornamentally). Bonsai refused to learn and got away with it. Sequoia excelled at reading music and was the teacher's pet. I on the other hand, enjoyed playing by ear and could reproduce the melody with my eyes closed but abhorred reading notation. As a result I was an average and slow student. While this was not a mutually satisfactory relationship, it was this period that I delved deeper into the old Bollywood classics. And that started a love affair which continues to date. 

Going to school, across the border in Singapore seemed glamarous but was arduous. My classmates spoke Chinese, a language that todate is foreign to me. I had just a friend or two and for a people person like me it was an identity crisis. That's when music came to my rescue. The local radio played old Bollywood classics at night. So once everyone was asleep, I would sneak downstairs to where the music system was, switch on the radio and spend time with my one steadfast companion. It brought me peace, joy and hope. I would dream and smile and wait for times where I was more content. 

When we moved to Mumbai mother decided it was time to restart my training. Once again I was lucky to find a teacher who was a great Ghazal singer. His classes were strenuous but extremely intriguing. It taught me breath control like I had never experienced before. I got hooked to Jagjit Singh and must have spent tonnes of pocket money buying his music. This was also the time that country music came into my life and John Denver and Shania Twain were in my top 5. But this period too was short lived as engineering became the reality of my life. Music in varied forms stayed in my life but the discipline of practice and training stopped. 

As I moved to London, Opera and I made acquaintance and started to enjoy each other's company. I also started listening to Western classical, fusion, world and Hindustani Classical music. It was a period where my knowledge of music genres grew. Whether it was a Bon Jovi concert or a U2 concert, whether it was Pandit Vishwa Mohan Bhatt or Ustaad Zakir Hussain performing, whether it was the Opera or the Jazz club; I was soaking in regular performances. Pizzas with jazz became an event to save for. Mama Mia, Phantom of the Opera were seen twice or thrice over. It was a time that made me musically richer and monetarily more disciplined to be able to afford the musical  richness! 

Finally when I moved back to India the Benevolent One decided that it was time I restarted my Hindustani Classical training. He wrote a note for the karta dharta of Bhartiya Vidya Bhavan. I knew once I went there with that note I would get into the class I wanted. But I was probably not ready yet and so I tarried in indecision. It was next father's turn to twist my ears a bit. He called a family acquaintance asking for a guru for me. One was duly suggested, however, guruji's condition was that he would come and meet the family. If he found us to be musically inclined only then would he accept me a student. Wow! This was almost like a pre cursor to an arranged marriage proposal. And before your mind starts conjuring images there was no nervousness or display. But it was a judgement day just like that. 

Guruji took to father immediately and it was more because of him that he took me on as a student. The day of the first class the tanpura started and I was asked to just sing the Shadja or the Sa. All the efforts of all my earlier teachers, the inheritance of parents and the years of listening did bear fruit and I hit the note immediately and was in tune. Guruji listened for 50seconds and then asked me to stop. He heaved a sigh of relief saying, " after I accepted you as a disciple I realised that I had not heard you. What if you were tone deaf or had no idea about swar! These had been bothering me, but you have potential. And I will work with you." That was literally music to my ears, literally! 

So my courtship with classical music began and since the last five or six years Hindustani classical, old Bollywood classics and bhajans have been my go to music. In between I do turn to other genres of course and to Abhijit Pohankar's fusion music, but what brings me solace is the former. 

Once I started riyaz I started enjoying sitting with music. I became less hesitant to mother listening to my riyaz. In fact I liked her inputs from time to time. On nights that I worked late I would think if I should sleep in late and postpone class but the drive to improve kept me from cancelling. What I realised on the contrary was that even with less sleep, a music class helped me put in the same number of hours with the same energy. I started recording our sessions and would listen to them in the car. It helped me spot errors and improve. I was enjoying. And then as I broke out of the constraints of my range, my paternal grandmother passed on. Classes were put on hold for a month and a half. When we restarted I had lost some ground and so took time to get back to the pace of learning I enjoyed. As I got to that level and started enjoying, the Benevolent One decided it was time for Him to transcend to His abode in heaven. It was blow and a big one. But He had wished me to learn and so I restarted. Work had been mentally wringing which was having physical consequences but I kept learning and was growing slowly. It was one foot in front of the other. Music kept me sane through those times. And then when I found my mojo again Nani passed on. 

That 25th January as we landed in Delhi and Sequoia texted to say she and Pape Smurf were at the airport I knew Nani did not wait for us to reach. But it also struck me hard that everytime I was beginning to enjoy music I had lost someone. Was this a relationship that got me bad luck. Was this a relationship that was not meant to be. These thoughts paralysed my momentum and I stopped learning. 

Soon Covid hit and in person classes were not possible. Guruji called. We could do whatsapp and / or zoom classes. But my fear and anxiety had a strong hold on me. I was unable to get out of that mindset but I could not live without singing. So I started singing a bhajan every weekend. For accompanying music I played the keyboard and then later discovered a karaoke app. Slowly I was singing and recording more than bhajans. It became a nightly ritual to sing one song before going to bed. My bhajans got appreciation and the most validating appreciation came from mother who knows this kala so well. I started to feel maybe I could have music in my life and it was not a doomed relationship.

The thought to give music and me another chance was brewing in my head, when Guruji called again. They say you don't accept a Guru. It is a Guru who decides that he wants to invest in you, guide you and help you learn. In my case, his call demonstrated just that. Guruji called. We spoke and the next thing I know we are fixing a date to restart. 

As I wait to meet Hindustani Classical again, I am excited and I am nervous. Music is important to me and I want this relationship to succeed. I do not want to think ahead and I do not want to jinx it. I am soaring as well as I am hesitating. And because I want the universe to help me in my journey I took pen to paper and am writing this down, hoping that with all of it out there the Gods will have mercy and will help me attain my dream this time round. 

Keep tuned in for my progress...

 

Music

What is it about music that makes me want to breathe the notes, play the melody and dance to the composition? Why is it that music makes me want to dive like a dolphin, soar like an eagle and run like a doe? How can music easily make me blush like a teenager, smile like a bride and sleep like a baby? 

What is it that breathes life when music plays, I cannot comprehend. Why does life become sacred and special with music, I remain clueless. How can music infuse happiness and joy into life, my being marvels at the mystery. 

But without music life is meaningless, without music every achievement is incomplete and without music every joy a shade paler. While much has changed, these  aspects have remained constant; making it the one big truth of my life. And at least of this about music I am certain and convinced.