I wanted a short holiday and I needed a break. The options in my mind were multiple, including a short trip to London. Have not been there in over 2 years now and am missing the city. Yet it was not where my heart was drawn to. After the recent trip to Ladhak, that rekindled my romance with the mountains, I wanted to explore the hills.
The first thought was Ooty and as quickly as it came it got dismissed. It is fairly accessible and is more of a relaxing holiday than an exploration. Sikkim has been on my list for sometime now and so began the research. The only two airports that seemed close by were Bagdogra and Siliguri which are quite far away from Gangtok, the starting point. And then the itinerary I wanted needed more time than I had. Plus it seemed to be closer to Ladakh in terms of the landscape and so I began to wonder if I should pick another destination.
Shimla, Gulmurg, Srinagar were suggestions that came my way. They have also been very popular of late. Flights abound and there is nature, history, culture all to explore. They all seemed interesting options to consider and yet for some reason my heart was not convinced. Snow is not what I craved. Conflict is not what I wanted to be the center of my thoughts. North of the country is something I have seen a bit now. So I was back to the North East, that which was unknown to me.
I am not sure how, but at some point I came across Meghalaya. I liked, no I loved, what I read fairly instantly. It was nature in its purest form. There was culture that I was completely unaware of. And then there was history. But how to get there was the question. The answer I found was via Guwahati. I recollected a friend mentioning a trip to Kamakhya Devi there a few years ago. Google search indicated that the temple was less than twenty kilometres away from the airport. I think that was the last confirmation I needed and my heart was set on a trip to Meghalaya, Kaziranga and starting with darshans of Kamakhya Devi.
As I read more it just seemed that the six nights I had budgeted were too little but I had to make do within this time frame. So the trip was laid out with provisions at the start and the end for darshans, Ma willing. As I started to research the darshans at this Adi Shakti peeth, I realised that the most certain way was to hire a guide or get a defence recommendation. I decided to attempt both and both seemed tentative. I booked the trip and yet had no clarity on darshans.
It was only a few days to departure. The guide was not available only for one day but at three thousand rupees a day I would need to hire one for all six night. It seemed totally unnecessary and so I refused that option. I now needed to hope for Ma's kindness. And it was just then that I got a message from the very generous ex-colleague I had contacted. One of his batchmates from the army would help. My heart leapt with joy and yet I pared back my enthusiasm. What if? And so I wanted to plan for contingency. I read about the queues, the tickets and prepared myself to wait in the queue for hours.
However, the day before I was to leave, I spoke to the contact in Guwahati who was kind enough to interact for a few hours as we worked through the logistics. At one point darshans seemed confirmed and then suddenly tentative as it was a Sunday that I desired to have darshans. It is the day of peak crowds and so the contact was unsure. My heart sank. I was struggling to understand how to ensure darshans, when something within me said to leave it to Ma. The Benevolent One always said, "Whatever Ma wills is what happens". So I bowed my head and decided I would accept Her will. Before the night dawned, I got a message that darshans were confirmed and the contact person details were in the message. I did not know how to react so just said a prayer of thanks. I was humbled.
The path leading to the temple is thronged by shops selling offerings
Post arrival I reached the temple and waited for the contact. As I was escorted inside the temple complex, I was praying with folded hands and was thanking Ma profusely for the opportunity. What I did not realise in the interim was that we had directly entered the sanctum sanctorum. Right in front of the goddess, I stood, not knowing what I had done to deserve this good fortune. As I stood there praying fervently, I was guided to the main spot where Ma's Yoni had fallen. Devotees thronged this spot to touch the holy water, have a sip and get blessings from the priest. As I knelt in front of Ma, touched the water and gave my offerings I felt blessed and yet incomplete. It's the best word to describe the emotion that went through me then. As the priest asked me if I wanted the saree offered to Ma to take back, I was only able to say "Ma ko Chadha dijiye" (offer it to Ma). And as I said this I was unsatisfied with my response. Darshans done and Prasad collected I went on my trip feeling blessed but not complete.
A couple of days later I messaged the contact to request for darshans on my return. I know I was being greedy but I needed to be with Ma one more time and then the Benevolent One had always said that after such auspicious darshans one should always head back home. I used that as an excuse to console myself that I was not being greedy but was following what was right. I was very warmly told that of course I would get darshans no problem at all.
So this morning, the first day of Navratri, the day of Gudi Padwa, on the day that hundreds of devotees came eager to seek Ma's blessings I was back at the temple. As I waited for the darshans, I was told that there was a huge crowd and strangely I had no anxiety, no nervousness, only extreme calm. I was not sure of darshans and had told my driver so when he had remarked on the way to the temple that I was a rare one to get two darshans. I knew I wanted to speak to Ma once and so I would try. Once more she was gracious and gave me my time with her again. Today, as I knelt once more to sip the water, the priest patted my head twice just like the Benevolent One would. This time I remembered to take the cloth back with me and the priest put in around my neck. The entire duration that I was there I felt Ma was hearing me. It was a shorter but a clearer conversation. I was humbled, grateful and overwhelmed.
Entrance of the temple decked with flowers to mark start of Navratri & the New Year
Coming out of the sanctum sanctorum I went to offer the customary coconut, light the Diya and offer the incense sticks. As I did the rituals this time I felt lighter. Walking out of the temple I felt calm, blessed and ready to return. I am sure that this trip was planned out of nowhere because there was a call by Ma. These darshans were not coincidental. She had wanted to hear me and now I am only hoping that she answers my prayers. Till then I will bow my head to Her benevolence.
The earthern lamp, the Diya at the main gate of the temple - the light that shines on Devotees
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