A Life Worth it All

Last evening as I logged on to Twitter to track the CoVid cases in Mumbai, I came across the news of the sad demise of Anshu Jain. I never worked with him nor did I have the opportunity to meet him. But still the news hit me.

As a newbie in London having just started as a banker in 2004, the rise of Anshu Jain to being named the co- head of Deutsche Bank Investment Banking was a huge motivation. He was only 39 and a non German speaking individual. Well if he could break the "glass ceiling" as an Indian woman I felt I could too. In fact he also started out in the field of derivatives and that being my chosen path as well made his success even closer to me. 

A few months after Jain had taken his position, I met with a trader who was fairly close to him. I heard about his passion for the business and the many hours of hard work he put in. This individual spoke about how he had fierce loyalists in the bank, who were not just supporters because he was responsible for their successes and achievements but also because he generously shared his personal space and formed bonds. It was the first time I had heard of such fan following in the banking world and that created an impact on me. While hard work and pouring my everything into my job was a part of me, I began to observe people more after I heard about Jain. The leaders who created an impact, I guess that is what I was trying to learn. 

As my career progressed I kept following Jain. His ouster from Deutsche Bank was acrid. It raised far too many questions, on both sides, for me. Yet the one thing that I observed was how he bounced back. Not just with Cantor Fitzgerald but by starting InCred in India. He may have been designated as the advisor, but one look at the management team and one saw ex Deutsche Bank all across. It was him that was the pull and certainly the vision. That he continued to create an impact in the financial industry truly showed the grit of the man and that was reiterated when I read that he outlived the doctor's prognosis by 4 years! Trust Anshu Jain to do the never done before! That's what his life was about! 

Having had the above thoughts just yesterday, I woke up this morning to read that another financial industry stalwart in the country had passed on. Rakesh Jhunjhunwala was at the launch of Aksa Air just last week. I am not sure how many knew of his illness though many knew that he had multiple ailments. Yet his public appearances were always filled with optimism and a child like enthusiasm. I remember once attending a conference around 2010 where he was speaking. Someone asked him his take on the international investors' stance towards India and he in a very Rakesh Jhunjhunwala style said ," They need us more than we need them." As a banker this confidence was both refreshing and over reaching at that time. But it made me dig deeper into the reason for his conviction and value investing is something I started to appreciate tremendously.

What happened to the world of music with Lataji and then Pandit Sharma seemed to have happened to the world of financial services in the last two days. None of us can escape the universal truth that is for sure but it's only some of us who live on even beyond our mortal remains with a population larger than just our near and dear ones. Those of us who do, do so not only because of fame, accolades and success but also because of the impact made on the lives of others. That is a legacy that is difficult to beat. 

Many years ago, in one of my first leadership development courses, I was part of a cohort that was asked to design their tombstone. It was a very powerful exercise but that is for another post. I took all the time that we were allotted. Yet I could not come up with anything that sounded "cool". All I came up with was, "the one who made a difference". Today I realise that early influencers in my life from the Benevolent One to my parents and then to my professional influencers from Kong to Anshu Jain to many others after that have been influencers because they made a difference. Subconsciously, that defined me as an individual and created my brand. For that I am tremendously grateful. 

To be able to help someone, to be able to provide comfort someone and to be able to help someone achieve their dreams; the opportunity to contribute thus is made available to the fortunate I believe. As the Benevolent One once told me, "those who love should never be sad because there is so much joy in giving and only the generous can." I did not appreciate it then but I hope that now I can embrace and implement it. Father once said, "if we have been given the means and resources, it's not just for our benefit but to be shared with those who are really in need." He and mother have always exemplified this in action, multiple time over many many years. Kong showed me how much he cared when he took away my phone to stop me from reacting to a work situation from a position of fear. Anshu Jain showed that a leader could be a task master and yet a strong personal guide. Rakesh Jhunjhunwala exemplified how to simplify the most nuanced lessons so that everyone could benefit from deep learnings he had acquired. 

As the two days have once again shown the impermanence of life, I look back at all my good fortune and am indebted for the blessed opportunities I have had and the people in my life. I also sincerely hope that with all these influencers in my life I can live up to being a small percentage of these stalwarts in terms of the people that they are. Where once my professional ambitions were moon high, today it's my personal dreams that take precedence. And as none of us know when our time will come, I hope that while I realise all my personal dreams I can also really start living a life that will make a difference. 

On that note I pray that the almighty grant eternal rest to the departed souls and may He grant long and healthy lives to the influencers in my core circle. With that prayer it's a wrap for today. Have a great week ahead! 

Being Me - Another Weekend Thought

Yesterday as I was making my way out of a lunch meeting I saw a familiar face. An old client from my banking days. I had not met him in years and so walked up to him and said hi. With my mask on he took a minute and then exclaimed, "it has been years! Where have you disappeared?" As I mentioned that I had left banking and moved to manufacturing, he mentioned that he knew about my career to date and a "common friend" keeps mentioning me. I was surprised at this. I think I know the common friend but the fact that he knew my career journey was a surprise. I was humbled. With a promise of meeting soon I left, a promise I intend to keep. 

As I was driving away I could not help but think when is it that I have remembered people and followed their careers even if they have not been in touch. My own experience has been that it was when someone made an impact on me. Take Kong for example. I have written about him before but it is important to mention him once more. Kong had a deep impact on me because he cared. As a newbie in banking and in London he cared about how I grew as a professional and groomed as an individual. A German lawyer, he was almost like my self appointed Indian older brother. He was the one who helped me navigate tricky situations at work, got me books to widen my reading genre and he also encouraged me to focus more on my own brand. He was the first person who made me realise that each one of us is unique and our individual brands should be celebrated. I may not be in touch with him regularly but I follow his moves. Social media just makes that so easy! 

With the above realisation I was forced to think what did I do that made this client remember me. The only incident that comes to mind is the point at which I expressed my concern on one particular clause in the terms and conditions. Detrimental to the investors, as it was drafted, the clause enabled the investee company to sell some of their assets without the investor consent. It was not a straightforward verbiage but on close reading that's what it delivered. I brought this up multiple times, however, as we were short on time and given the trust between the investor and the company the decision was not to contest. Still uncomfortable but having done my bit I closed the transaction. Low and behold, a couple of years down the line the company used the clause to their advantage! I am not sure what transpired between the two parties pre and post exercise but I personally did feel that the "trust" was misused. 

Maybe it was that or maybe it was something else but the fact that he recollected me and knew my current whereabouts made me realise once more the value of authenticity and my own brand. The one mantra that I have always followed has been to be authentic and honest in all my dealings. If I feel strongly about something I say it out loud even if it is not what "should" be said or what is "expected" to be endorsed. Professionally, on occasions it has put me in a deep minority (as if my gender did not already do that) and earned me flak of pointing out the elephant in the room. However, I have slept well knowing that I maintained my integrity. Personally, this has had me face some hurt and yet the scars are reminders that I was generous and giving. On one single occasion, only that once, where my authenticity and honesty hurt someone else I feel terrible to this day but I know that the days of hurt saved years of pain.  

So with that said I start the long weekend celebrating the opportunities that I have been granted to become an authentic and honest individual and I hope that I can continue to conduct myself with integrity and compassion even in future. 

A weekend thought

It has been the most interesting cab ride in a long time and probably the only one where the post ride mind was lost in thought. As I hailed a normal black and yellow cab to get to work this morning, there was a lot on my mind. I was trying to answer messages and emails so that I could get into problem solving as soon as I stepped into the office. But when I told the driver where to go and then started to explain, he said to me 'tell me the name of the building and it will suffice. I have been driving a taxi for 34 years now.' True to his word he knew not only my office building but all the adjoining ones by name and in some knew which organisations were housed.

However, what made this an intersting journey was not his remark about just wanting the building name. From there on a conversation started which gave me details of his daughter's recent wedding where he spent INR 12 lacs and on how a large part of that went towards a washing machine, clothes, jewellery etc; all of which his daughter wanted. A Muslim man, he exclaimed, he was blessed that a Hindu boy who was his elder son's friend had gifted him a cooler which is also something his daughter desired as a part of her gifts. He felt that he had been treated kindly by the world and was grateful that despite struggles that he faced, there were those he could count on. His thankfulness was refreshing. 

As we were nearing my office, his stories over, he asked me a question. He wanted to know when was I the most let down by someone. I thought for a while and said it was when someone with a lot of means had fought unfairly for their material gains and then denied a well earned small bonus to someone whose income was about one twentieth of theirs! Accepting my response he went on to ask me when did I think I was treated most insensitively by someone. And he wanted to know further if this was something I would call insensitive even if I handed the same behaviour to any other human being. This was an interesting question and I did not have an immediate response as we were standing in the porch of the building. He left me saying the day we would meet again he would like to hear my response. 

I first began to wonder if I had treated him with disdain, arrogance, unfairly or unjustly. I realised my conversation was polite, I courteously listened to his stories and had paid him an upward rounded fare. So I was certain that he was not pointing towards me but given the flow of our interaction it was more his idea of understanding people. And so I began to think of what treatment by others made me feel that they have been insensitive and I would not like to do that to anyone because I would not like them to feel as hurt as I felt. 

At the end of the day, on my journey home, the answer came to me. The most insensitive treatment has been the silent treatment and that is something I never ever dish out, not even to those who hurt me the same way in the past. The first time it was done was by a close friend. He just did not call back and then took shelter under the excuse of a lot of work. I explained to him that it was insensitive and especially as I had requested he call back because I needed help. He apologized but then the same occured on a number of other occasions. While I decided not to rely on this friend for help anymore or for him to be there, I still return his calls and messages. To date I have always told him that his silence on multiple occasions was insensitive and that made me take my call of not relying on him. He says to hear this hurts him but I would rather be honest than give him the silent treatment. At least it gives him calrity and a fair chance if he wants one.

Similar instances with acquaintances have also occured where they have just been silent and not communicated and then sprung out of the blue wanting a familiar conversation. I have responded, always. Sometimes with firmness and sometimes with a casual response but always with empathy. I do not believe that any human being we interact with, for some period of time, with some common agenda deserves the silent treatment.

Communication is the way the natural ecosystem flourishes. And while silence communicates more than it does not, it also is a blatant dismissal or a very in your face ignoring of another human being which is neither compassionate nor empathetic. I would not give that to anyone and the instances that I have faced this have been the times I felt treated the most terribly. 

So as the weekend commences I vow to communicate and interact with my friends and family because they mean the world to me. And it's only my actions devoid of silence that can let them know this. Have a good one all!