Roe v Wade - Half a century of efforts drained

I am terribly sad; that is the only word I can think of that describes all the emotions I am going through. I also know that my sadness, in this case, will impact no one and is not of consequence as such. Yet as a woman, as someone who believes everyone should have the right to self preservation and privacy, I am saddened by the overturning of Roe v Wade. What is far more flummoxing is that this decision comes from the highest court of a country that is a self declared champion and moral authority of human rights. 

Motherhood, the word itself evokes smile, joy and nurturing instincts. But that is when it is a cherished desire or a choice. Anything forced is a burden and motherhood even as an elected choice is a life altering experience, so the forced option probably is more chaotic than one can even imagine. 

In the most extreme cases I am thinking of women like Norma McCorvey (who got Roe v. Wade in place) whose pregnancy is the result of an assault. A victim of a crime, forced to give birth to the consequence of the attack, can have multiple physical and mental health issues; her chronological, economic and aspirational circumstances not withstanding. Then there is the debate on nurture vs nature that has claims on both sides of whether genes pre dispose individuals to a life of aggression and crime or not. Even if nurture was to be the winner, who is to say that a tormented individual would be able to nurture a young life ably...

Reality could be completely anti a life born to a poor, socially isolated and traumatised rape victim. So at the end of the day are we saying that it's ok roll a dice to decide the fate of a new life? Of course there is the argument that a roll of a dice gives the life a chance vs abortion that takes away any chance at all. However, who are we to play the game of probability when the person who will be responsible for changing the odds potentially is an unwilling participant? Denial of self preservation in these instances is a crime in itself in my view. 

There are those who will say rape pregnancies are a small percentage. Reluctantly, but still let me accept that data point without having any facts to support or deny this claim. The thoughts steer towards to young couples not ready for a child, couples who do not want children ever and single women not wanting (yet or ever) children. This is a subset that does not want children and no contraceptive is a 100% foolproof. So what happens when they conceive? We take away their right to lead lives as they would like to? And who is the state, in a democracy,  to dictate how a couple should structure their family or to a woman or her life choices? The counter argument to this thought is that the state is speaking on behalf of a life that cannot speak for itself. Well that is why there is the so desired separation between the church and the state! What about atheists? How can the state impose religious beliefs on those who have none? Once again this set of citizens is forced into a life that is not theirs by their choice and a choice that is not creating harm, injustice or unrest to the society in any way at all! 

As I am writing this, I am reminded of a story. Before I pen that down I will state clearly that I am spiritual, I believe in life, after life and rebirth, and I am also a moderate Hindu. The story is from the Hindu epic Mahabharata and talks about the decision of nurturing a life resting with the mother. Santanu was a Kuru king who fell in love with Ganga, the river goddess. When he asked for her hand in marriage she hesitated and then before she accepted she only requested that he trust her a hundred percent and not question any of her decisions. If he did question her, she would leave him. Drastic condition by today's standards and by my own belief in transparent communication! That not withstanding and given that love is blind, Santanu crazy about Ganga accepted her only condition. Soon after marriage, Ganga conceived. But as soon as she delivered she took the infant to the river and drowned it. A shocked Santanu could merely watch. This happened seven times over and each time a devastated Santanu became a tormented bystander but did not break his vow. The eighth time he saw Ganga walking with the infant towards the river he could not contain himself and questioned her ghastly actions. Patiently she explained to him that she had promised these souls salvation and hence agreed to be their mother. Given that Santanu had questioned her motives, the vow to the last such soul was broken and the last child would live. Also as per their prenup she would leave him. The legend has it that this was the seed that planted the tree that bore the fruit of the epic battle of Mahabharata between the Kauravas and Pandavas. 

The reason I narrated the story above is because if we were to turn a blind eye to the absence of separation of the church and the state, church being used symbolically for religion, then there is merit in looking across the spectrum and we will find there to be enough advocates of mothers' rights and the saying that mother knows the best. 

Steering back to a fact based discussion, my attention is also drawn to the disabled. What happens to those women who are either physically disabled and conceive by force or those who soon after conceiving become physically challenged. How can someone unable to take care of themselves, a hundred percent independently, be forced to take care of an infant who needs to be attended to day and night! Will state provide means for these mothers and if yes who will fund that? 

Of course, at the moment it's twenty six states that will rejoice in the acceptance of this ruling. Which means there are twenty four options for the thirty six million women impacted. But to access these and the international options they will need to have adequate financing or else they will need to go to courts where their right to privacy will be shred into rags. For a capitalist country this works I think, if one has the money one has the solution. And yet it seems so inhuman and unfair. 

As a woman I love children and I believe that their innocence brings hope and learning in the crazy times we live in. I believe that we should bring children in the world but also that the world should be a safe and happy place for them. As a woman I also know the challenges that a female mind and body goes through to be able to bear children. It is not a journey that everyone may want to undertake. As a woman I do feel for the victims and the disabled and what their mental makeup could be due to their own agony. How can we force a way of life on them ! As a woman I feel that this is a pre-conceived judgement that is not just unfair and reeking of inequality, I also feel while women have silently and patiently nurtured, loved and sustained life for generations this is just putting them through a fire test they did not sign up for.

I do hope a constitutional amendment at some point will come through and on that optimistic note I sign off for this time. 

Life - Fluid as a river

Life is strange and unpredictable. That probably is the most cliched sentence to start my post with. Yet, there is no other opening line to describe what I am about to pen down. 

My last visit to Lucknow had me see a hopeful Little Springsteen but worried doctors. His physical condition was improving but not his blood reports. The doctors were worried. They also told Bruce the same. Yet four days ago we felt the blessings of the Benevolent One when we could move Little Springsteen into a room. No ICU, no HDU but a private room. What progress!

As we were rejoicing I got to know that the gentleman who had toiled to get Little Springsteen admitted into KGMC, had helped organise doctor calls for us and had personally visited Little Springsteen as frequently as he could, had passed away due to a sudden heart ailment. I was stunned and shocked. He was hail and hearty, had complained of high blood pressure and then was admitted to the hospital. For two days he was apparently on a ventilator and then it was over. Here, our little fighter has been braving through suffering and pain and has beat all odds! How the tables turned! 

This morning we discussed the fact that doctors were thinking of a discharge and so we needed to find a place for Bruce and Little Springsteen to stay in Lucknow, until such time that the wound would be stitched. That was thought through and options lined up by the evening. A video call the day before had shown a smiling Little Springsteen now sitting up on his own from the lying down position. All of these were tremendously positive signs. Lots to be grateful for!

Suddenly my phone rang at about 9:00pm and it was Bruce calling. I did think it was not his normal calling time as this is when the father and son eat. Apparently, he had left Little Springsteen sitting on the bed to go wash his hands so that he could feed dinner to the little one when all of a sudden the wound started to bleed. Bruce came back to a blood soaked bed sheet. He ran for the nurse and then wore gloves, opened the dressing and pressed the wound to control the bleeding. The attending doctors were just on their way out for dinner. It was a Sunday afterall. But this happened so they rushed to the room. Giving me this update Bruce hung up. I messaged the treating doctor. Luckily, salutations to the Benevolent One, the treating doctor happened to be on site. He messaged me with the information. And then I waited. An hour and some later, the doctor himself messaged that all was under control but due to the blood loss Little Springsteen was back in ICU. How circumstances shifted again... temporarily though, I am fervently praying! 

So yeah, strange are the ways of life and unpredictable are the ways of the Universe. I am praying for a speedy recovery for Little Springsteen, some respite for Bruce and for all our prayers to be heard! May the Lord have mercy. 

Leadership and Mindfulness

I recently read this article by Dalai Lama on leadership (https://hbr.org/2019/02/the-dalai-lama-on-why-leaders-should-be-mindful-selfless-and-compassionate) where he talks of leaders being mindful, selfless and compassionate. These are all qualities that are admirable and create a difference in the way teams perform. However, there are occassions when these three can pull a leader in different directions, creating a situation where one of the three has to be given a higher priority to ensure that the collective benefits. 

A few years ago, I was in awe of a much younger colleague. She was shouldering the responsibility of the family. It took a lot of courage to have travelled her journey and be enthusiastic and happy always. While I admired her accountability to her family, soon I began to notice that she was not as responsible at work. In order to help her deliver I had an open conversation with her and spoke to the team to ensure that they supported her as well. A significant project was being led by her and that was also a key audit requirement. I sat with her to allow her to select her deadline within the available timelines. I also encouraged her manager to review the progress and highlight any surprises to me promptly. 

When the first deadline was missed I kept calm and allowed her to deliver at a new mutually agreed date. That too was missed. Her manager came complaining about her inefficiency but he was unwilling to take any action. He did not want to "damage her career" and be the "bad boss". All this meant was that the team was becoming sluggish due to one person and the manager of the team was not ready to take corrective action. As the leader of the function this meant that I had to intervene so that the organisation's and all stakeholders' interests were protected. 

I called her to have a discussion and gave her a deadline by when the deliverables needed to be complete. Lo and behold, she had decided to take an "overseas family vacation for two weeks" despite knowing the sensitivity of the task and having not delivered on three occasions. Her manager was aware of this, was not ok with it and still had approved the leave. I was flabbergasted. In my mind, both the individuals were equally at fault and I was not sure what my next step should be. So I decided to sleep over and find a solve the next day.

Thinking of being reasonable, compassionate and mindful I called the manager and her. I told her that while she could go overseas as tickets etc had been booked, she should carry her laptop and ensure that she worked from there to be able to deliver the timeline. It would mean sacrificing some fun time with the family but if she delivered early all the remaining time would be hers. The manager was not happy with the compromise but remember he had approved the leave. Her reaction was something I could not comprehend. She flatly refused to deliver the project and said that her family was more important. That meant she would not even carry her laptop and be available for calls. I was shocked and was now mindful of the implications of such behaviour on the performance culture and the company reputation. Knowing that I needed to be a leader with consequences, I told her that was my final offer else she was welcome to resign and look for another job where such poor performance, lack of ownership and no accountability would be acceptable. She found my stance to be harsh and selfish. The manager, who had problems and was not ready to tackle them himself, found me to be heartless. And yet after a lot of mindful consideration I decided that my unsympathetic and seemingly high handed decision was right for the organisation, the collective. She chose to leave. I still admire how she rose to the occassion when the family needed her but I still cannot fathom her unprofessionalism. 

The manager did not learn his lesson even with this incident though. He continued to defend the team's underperformance regularly and sometimes in group meetings. He was just not able to be tough as it was more important for him to be liked. After a couple of such instances I decided that I had to tackle this situation too else I would have taken a corrective action only in part. The next time he defended the team's poor performance in a group meeting, I declared that any manager not being able to get the deliverables from their teams in the required timelines and with the required accuracy would see the impact on their appraisals. While this is an implicit measure of a good performance management system, calling it out was what was needed. It created an impact, different from what I had expected but it improved the the team performance. 

The manager continued to be wanting to be liked, but one of his team members decided to take the accountability of ensuring the team delivered. This was such a blessing because not only did the deliverables start coming through, we had identified a high potential who was hidden till then. 

An arduous journey, the above has taught me that as an officer of the company, my duty is to the stakeholders of the organisation. That is what I am mindful of. If with that context there are difficult situations when compassion for an individual would compromise the interest of the organisation then surely the organisation will take precedence. Of course then there are cases where tragedies happen and we may need to carve another solution that is compassionate and keeps organisational imperatives in mind as well. However, I do believe that it is not always possible for a leader to only be thinking about their teams. To be fair, they need to look at their larger responsibility and then take decisions even if they same uncompassionate, selfish and harsh. Mindfulness is the biggest ally of leaders in my view thus.