Wednesday, 16 April 2008

The reason of being......

Well, the words of encouragement to my first blog have been overwhelming! Thank you all for your kind thoughts and time.

I have been asked by friends since Sunday as to why I started writing a blog. What was the driving force behind me making an appearance on the internet? Mr. Hob also severely cautioned me on using my real identity on the net (thanks for always looking out for me). Was I comfortable with people knowing that these thoughts were mine? Did I want to rethink being myself on the internet?

You see that is the point! I wanted to communicate with the world at large, be myself and enjoy being myself (as very profoundly and accurately stated by Siddhanta). That is why I came online.

Through my short life, I have had an urge on many occasions to try my hand at different things. As a child I would indulge myself. On occasions I even recorded my own songs as I believed I was a gifted singer (well that can be debated today!). At that point in time I had faith in myself! I believed that if an individual has a dream; God gives her the power to make that dream come true as well.

As life went on, I had my share of experiences and this faith began to shake. I built a wall around myself which kept most people out. I started to suppress my dreams as well. Self protection became paramount. I went on with life from one day to the next, being a “responsible” professional and adult. I lost touch with my instincts and kept many a desire at bay. Then came along someone who challenged this self preservation. The argument presented was strong and I gave in. Thinking, maybe, I was being a fool to keep myself sheltered. It cannot really be a big bad world out there! You know what, I fell flat on my face :-) ! I was just so darn stupid to take things on face value. The wall came back up!

However, lately I have begun to feel claustrophobic. I also have this feeling (right or wrong I still do not know) that most people hold back on most occasions. I guess there is an element of self preservation in every human being which colours the way we interact with the world. This in my opinion is the biggest cause of all confusions in human interactions.

Why cannot we be fearless with our feelings? Why is expression of true feelings and beliefs considered a sign of weakness? What makes us communicate with such great caution every time? Why do personal lives start becoming replicas of professional negotiations? Why do we want to categorize every single person as one type or the other?

I have lost some time but do not want to lose any more. I have a lot to say and a lot to share. Be it my experiences, my views on Indian media or my extreme frustration with the Indian financial regulatory authorities. I cannot please everyone and do not attempt to do so. As long as those who matter to me know what I am doing and are ok with it, I want to live my life being the person who I am. Even if it means an encore of the very embarrassing “daaku Tanu night” at Moret-Sur-Loing!

Until next time, Auf Wiedersehen!

1 comment:

Preeti Kukreja said...

Hey Tanu,,,Preeti here. Just wanted to respond to your comments on fearless articulation of expression...the simple reason is that no one wants to get hurt in the process,given a choice id rather play safe,,,cauz after learning my lessons in life..id rather have candid moments in the comfort and security of my friends whom I can trust.:-)

PS--do share your experiences of fearless expressions and where they led u!