My Little Fighter

My entire body felt like a deflating balloon slowly slumping onto the floor; only that I was still standing. My brain was foggy and emotions were all jumbled up. We had made peace with Little Springsteen losing one hand. The news of the other having to be let go also was not just devastating and destabilising but completely faith shaking. I was unable to find solace or find some strength to hold on. Pain, suffering and hardship in small measures are important to keep us honest. But this magnitude of tragedy and hardship just seemed pointless and in defiance all tales of the Lord’s ways of mercy and kindness! 

I had a wedding to attend. I had called this out even before they felt something for one another. I had to be there for their big day. And yes I was there, physically. Emotionally I was thinking of Little Springsteen. I felt being unfair, partaking in celebrations while Bruce was struggling with his emotions and the burden of all the running around. What sort of an older sister am I? The thoughts of helplessness, grief and guilt had me riled up.

Mother has been deeply anguished. So I did not want to burden her with my turmoil. Acknowledging father's work pressures I refrained from reaching out to him. It's a similar situation with Bonsai, a new mother and Sequoia, a mother with a twelfth grader. All this meant was that at the wedding I was only physically present. I felt like a wimp being unable to process and deal with my emotions but I decided it was better to be a wimp and reach out to Her for help rather than suffer and stew. I needed my mental bandwidth for a number of other tasks. 

Away from the music and the dance I called Her and she instantly reminded me that I have multiple roles and responsibilities and each one needs to be catered to with fairness. Bruce knew that I was there with them albeit not physically and maybe in person I would only be in the way. King George Memorial University is not an easy place. Maybe she had a point and so I was back to the celebrations. 

The next day, however, I woke up feeling lost and drifting. Making my cup of coffee I felt the heaviness in my soul and I was low. My mind was trying to find a solve for the situation and my body a way to cope. As I was getting ready for the day ahead it suddenly hit me that if He had presented this mountain it was only Him who could show the path to summit it. With that thought I said a prayer and decided to gather myself for the sake of Little Springsteen. There is no mountain insurmountable and I had to only find a way. Being in Jaipur I decided to visit the Hanuman temple Nana would go to. He was a great soul and I am unfortunate that I got his affection only till my pre teens. But visiting the temple that day made me feel much lighter and stronger. On the way I also ventured into the streets of Johri Bazaar where Nani would come shopping. Reliving some of those happy childhood memories made me feel better and I could attend the wedding from the evening baraat to the early morning pheras. 

As I landed in Mumbai I felt the need to hit the bed. Enroute home Bruce called to say the surgery was complete and Little Springsteen was in recovery. He had realised that the other hand was gone as well and this realisation had got a tear to his eyes. However, Bruce told me that Little Springsteen gained composure and told his father, " Fufu had said that she will get me a new hand. Why are you worried!". The strength and faith of the child had me humbled. What tremendous and rock solid human spirit he possess! I was speechless. I, older and supposedly wiser was losing my wits for days and this fighter had just decided in an instant to fight it out! I truly am a wimp! But I want to rectify that!

So in the last three days I have attempted hard to not let the tragedy get the better of me but to focus on the fact that we have Little Springsteen and his fighting spirit with us and how can we now chart a rich life for him ahead. I will not accept that he will live a compromised life. Science has progressed, he is determined and I am confident; all we need are your prayers and His mercy. If the kid can be so strong God has to be KIND! May he listen to all our prayers 🙏!