A Memorable March Monday Morning

It was a cool and windy March Monday morning. Before the break of dawn, everyone had gathered at the appointed place, at the given time. The men were dressed in traditional Indian attire and the women were glowing in all their finery. As I looked around, it was not just the gold jewellery that stood out, but it was also the mix of the best Kanjeevaram, Banarsi and Dhakai sarees. Not in abundance but still visible were Bandhani, printed Tussar silk and a handful of bright chiffons. With the perfect drape, matching accessories and just the right out of make up, these women were chirpy, eager and chatty. And no, for all those wondering if this was an early morning wedding, no it was not. It was the occasion of early morning darshans of Lord Balaji at his abode in Tirumala. To complete it all, what was I wearing? A normal red cotton block printed salwar kameez; and I felt small. 

No, it was not my clothes thay made me feel small ; but the love and devotion that this congregation had for the Lord. Many of them had infants with them. Some had come with infants and toddlers. Yet others had accompanied the elderly unable to walk properly. And none of this had deterred any one of them from bringing out their grand attire and dressing up to meet the Lord. I had only myself to take care of and yet all that I had on different were the red glass bangles that mother had bought the earlier day at Tirupati. I was not even wearing a bindi, something that I love and do on a daily basis. Why? Because I had forgotten to get some....

I was feeling small because my vanity hit me in my face as I saw women with clean shaven heads. Hair is the pride and the worry of most women. Ask some who spend tirelessly in styling and maintaining the mane on the head. After all it does add to beauty; but the clean shaven heads spoke about devotion and unconditional love. They were of all ages - young ones in their twenties, married women in thirties, menopausing women and the senior citizens too. And with clean shaven heads they wore their favourite sarees and jewellery because the Lord deserves the best! 

My first memory of coming for Lord Balaji's darshans is from about 22 years ago. The grandeur displayed by the pilgrims and the commercial aspect of the holy place had bothered me deeply then. I was uneasy and not able to comprehend what I was witnessing. And then, out of the blue, without my asking I got my clarifications. 

Post darshans we were all walking to collect our Prasad when a book seller stopped me and asked me to buy a book of the story of Lord Balaji. I refused at first but then got mother to get me one. As the train chugged out of Renigunta station, my book came out. Somewhere within the story the explanation of the commercialisation of Balaji temple came about; and I will probably remember it to my dying day. 

Legend has it that the Lord, who was a cowherd in this mortal world, fell in love with Devi Padmavati - the daughter of a king. To marry her, he thought he needed to be able to muster a standard of living and so off he went to Kuber, the treasurer of the Devs. While Kuber agreed to loan the required amount to the cowherd Lord, he asked how would it be repaid. It was the answer to this question that got me my clarity -," My devotees who come to pray to me in Kalayug will help me repay this debt." (I don't know whether we are helping the Lord keep his promise or are we paying our own debts when we pay for the services at Tirumala; but I do know that a visit to Tirumala is meant for realising that total surrender never goes amiss.)

The story over, I sat looking out of the train window, when the old lady sitting next to me asked if we were returning from darshans of the Lord. I said yes, of course, and even then I remember telling her how it was so much like a grand wedding. To which she said, " If we can dress up for the lesser mortals of this world, should we not do the same when we are coming to meet the one who has given us all that we have?" The teenager in me got it, but not quite. The grown up woman in me, today, not just gets it but probably repents not having done the same. 

What made these March Monday morning darshans special was that despite all my limitations, the Lord was once again merciful and gave beautiful darshans that made me want to fall at his feet just there. My mind was silent and eyes on the Lord as I was pushed into the sanctum sanctorum. My hands remained folded and my eyes focussed on His ShreeVigraha as I walked backwards and was pushed out of the temple. But all through this push and pull I had the Lord watching me get His darshans; darshans that left me humbled and feeling blessed...

On the flight back home I watched the setting sun. Seeing the sky morph its colours, I realised how the day had seen my emotions and being change. I had transcended from feeling small to being grateful to finding peace and joy in the knowledge that my Aradhya is watching over me... Under His watch I hope to be able to fulfill my commitments, render my responsibilities and realise my dreams. May God bless us all.